


Kanawanai Yakusoku

by kishidanchougoroshi



Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: Angst, Drama & Romance, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-24
Updated: 2018-04-03
Packaged: 2019-03-08 22:18:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 36,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13467732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kishidanchougoroshi/pseuds/kishidanchougoroshi
Summary: A semi long distance relationship was never a problem for Jun and Sho, they trusted each other and managed to live the same path. However, the sudden appearance of Ninomiya and Ohno had affected Jun’s decision.





	1. Chapter 1

Narita international airport was crowded like usual, local people and foreigners fulfilled the arrival gate, searching for the people who picked them up. Some of them headed the money changer right away or the nearest convenient store to get some drink. A group of Chinese tourists had just exited the gate; their voices fulfilled the hall, their leader who was a middle aged man with bald head led the group, his right hand was holding an orange flag.

The audio announcer’s voice echoed in that hall, announcing the arrival of a flight from Amsterdam. The second announcement was the flight from Singapore and at the same time, the huge digital board showed ‘landed’ for both of the planes.

It was 7 in the morning; the air was cold and the heater in that hall wasn’t enough to warm it. Jun rubbed his hands to one another; it was freezing cold and he left his jacket at his car, what a clumsy. He yawned sleepily and glanced at his watch for nth times; it had been two weeks since Sho left for his international flight and Jun already missed him so bad.

Dating a captain wasn’t as fun as he imagined before, he would be worry-sick about Sho for the whole time during his flights, he would be so jealous when he thought about Sho spending time with the beautiful stewardesses and Jun always hated to say good bye for Sho’s next flight.

It was quite unusual for Sho to ask Jun to wait for him at the airport since the airline had already provided him with accommodation and he also knew that Jun would be busier during holiday season in his shop. It didn’t mean that Jun complained; he was glad that Sho asked him to pick him up at the airport. He loved to see Sho on his pilot uniform, but he never told the other man about it, because it made him sounded like a school girl somehow.

Sho rarely said something like ‘I missed you’ to Jun, regardless their semi long distance relationship, but Jun knew that Sho loved him. He was just not a lovey-dovey type of person who sent love emoticon five times a day or whispered love words every hour. Sho was cool and casual, but he was a great kisser and Jun didn’t need any verbal words of love if Sho kissed him because it expressed more than words.

The clock pointed to 10 passed 7 am and finally Jun heard the announcement of the arrival of Japan Airlines from Kuala Lumpur. He stood up from his seat, even though he knew that he still needed to wait for half an hour until Sho came out from the arrival gate. He walked back and forth to get rid of the cold; his breath turned foggy and he thought about breakfast.

He finally spotted Sho in his black and white uniform 20 minutes later. Sho’s right hand dragged a luggage and he was still talking to a stewardess on his way. Sho was a 32 year old good looking man (or maybe super good looking), he was tall and well built. His rounded brown eyes, his plump lips, his fresh smile and his thick black hair were too beautiful to describe by words. Jun had seen Sho in his pilot uniform for so many times, but it didn’t mean Sho looked less stunning. He followed Sho with his eyes and when Sho found him, the pilot smiled broadly. He approached Jun and tugged him into a brief hug.

“Welcome home,” Jun smiled at his boyfriend. He wanted to kiss Sho right now, but Sho wouldn’t be so happy about it, so he held himself.

“Thanks,” Sho said with rather tiring tone. He seemed sleepy and missed the bed so much.

The other crews bid good-bye at Sho and gave Jun a slight smile as their shuttle bus came.

“Have a nice day, Captain,” one of the stewardesses said.

“Thank you,” Sho answered. “Same thing to all of you, see you at the next flight.”

Sho followed Jun’s steps towards the parking area at the 3rd floor. The man talked about his flight and his time in Kuala Lumpur. He mentioned about the food and the city, even though Sho had visited that country for many times, but he always had something new to discover and try.

“Are you busy at the shop?” Sho asked.

“Just got an order for the wedding of the Mayor’s daughter,” Jun said. He unlocked his car and let Sho enter the suitcase to the trunk. He got in to the car earlier and took a slid out a small box from his bag, Sho’s favorite cheese cake. “Welcome home again,” Jun handed the box to Sho’s hand.

“Thank you,” Sho took the cake with a longing smile on his lips, “you never forget to make it for me.”

“You can’t get it anywhere else,” Jun said, watching Sho eat the cake with an enthusiasm. “Shall we go home now?”

“Yes, please,” Sho said, fastening his seatbelt. He finished the cake in no time and started leaning his head to the chair. “Do you mind if I sleep for a while?” he asked.

“Not at all, you must be very tired,” Jun started the engine and drove the car towards their apartment. He and Sho had been living together for a year now. He enjoyed Sho’s company to the fullest, even though he rarely home due to the international flight schedule which increased from time to time. Sho always ate everything he cooked until the last spoon; Sho always woke up earlier in the morning to make Jun a cup of coffee; Sho always sang the same old song while taking a bath.

They first met at Jun’s friend’s wedding. It was purely a coincidence that he chose to sit beside Sho who drank his beer all alone. Sho was still a co-pilot back then and Jun was still learning at one of the patisserie school. They were naturally interested in each other and three months after their encounter, Jun confessed his feeling to Sho, even though he wasn’t sure that Sho would accept him. They began to go out together and as the time went by, their relationship had gone deeper and closer. It had been three years since their first date; Sho probably wasn’t the most romantic person in the world, but Jun never complained about it.

Sho came from an honorable family; his father was a respectable businessman, his mother was a lecturer in one of the universities in Japan and his sister was a doctor. His father actually wanted Sho to inherit his business, but the man chose to fly the sky instead of staying on the ground to continue his father’s business. Sho had told Jun once that if he wanted to develop his shop, he could ask Sho’s father for help, but Jun hadn’t done it yet. He always felt awkward every time Sho dragged him to meet up with his family.

Since Sho became a captain, they rarely had a chance to date on weekends like they used to do before. Jun was busy with his newly opened cake shop and every time Sho backed home, they mostly spent their time at Jun’s shop. The customers loved to talk with Sho who seemed possessed some kind of ability to attract people, even though it raised a bit jealousy in Jun’s heart.

They hadn’t really talked about getting married. Both of them were too busy with work and a marriage seemed too troublesome for them. However, it didn’t mean Jun never raised the topic to the surface; he didn’t want their relationship went forever like this. He wanted to stand at the altar together with Sho and said their pledge to love each other eternally. He wanted to have kids with Sho; he wanted to be called Mr. Sakurai.

“Sho, we’re here,” he shook Sho’s shoulder softly as he parked his car and stopped the engine. Sho opened his eyes slowly and yawned. He loosened his seatbelt and got down from the car, meanwhile Jun took Sho’s suitcase from the trunk.

“Let me carry it,” Sho grabbed the suitcase from Jun’s hand. “What time is it?”

“Half past 8,” Jun glanced at his watch.

“Come here, let me give you a hug,” Sho said out of the blue.

“Sho, we’re at the parking lot,” Jun looked around. There were elderly couple at the corner, but they didn’t pay attention to their surroundings.

“We’re just hugging, there’s nothing wrong with it. Come here,” Sho pulled Jun to a tight hug and caressing his hair.

“You’re acting weird,” he chuckled.

“Jun,” Sho said, sounded serious all of a sudden. “Do you still want to marry me?”

Jun who never expected that question gasped, it wasn’t the right time or the right place to talk about something like marriage. They were at the basement parking lot which wasn’t the most romantic place to talk about something like this and the air was limited that Jun couldn’t wait to get out of here.

“Sho, let’s go upstairs,” Jun led the way, leaving Sho who followed him half-heartedly. “You’re tired and half dreaming, aren’t you?” Jun murmured as they were inside the elevator.

Sho’s eyes were on him, looking inside him like a lighthouse lamp. There was something about Sho that Jun hadn’t known even now. Jun always wondered whether Sho had ever committed violence to the people around him; like a sudden violence without him even noticing. Once or twice, Jun had awakened in the middle of the night, looking at Sho’s sleeping face and tried to find the violence side of him. But, Sho was just as gentle as he could hope for.

Both of them entered the apartment and as Jun closed the door behind him, Sho caught his chin and turned Jun’s face to him. Sho leaned closer and caught his lips, his hand caressed Jun’s hair, down to his earlobe and his collarbone.

“Sho, you’re ti…”

“Shhhh,” Sho kissed him again and slipped his fingers to Jun’s shirt. “I can’t hold it.”

Sho’s hand was on Jun’s pants now and they struggled to walk to the sofa. The man was still in his uniform, he towered Jun and stripped him half-naked in no time. Their breaths were hard and Sho seemed too impatient.  
***  
It was almost midday when Jun arrived at his shop. He left Sho with a box of lunch; the man was still fast asleep when Jun left. He wasn’t a morning person; if it wasn’t for his beloved Sho, he wouldn’t wake up early and drove to the airport in the cold air. He got down from his apartment and walked towards the nearest station from there.

His shop located near the station, he couldn’t ask for a better location than here. His sister found it for him and she also introduced Jun to a man who worked together with him now – Aiba Masaki, a 28 year-old man whose appearance was close to a model. He possessed a good sense of humor and never complained about life. Same with Sho, he was very good in attracting people.

“You’re late,” Aiba commented. “A~, your boyfriend is home, right?” he said without waiting for Jun to answer. “How is he? It’s been a while since he visited.”

“He’s fine,” Jun said as fastening his apron on his waist.

The customers had fulfilled the shop; he could see the waiter – Nakajima was busy serving the desk. Jun turned his head at Aiba who still looking at him with a naughty smile on his lips.

“What?” Jun asked.

“There’s a love mark on your neck,” he giggled.

“No way,” Jun headed the sink and checked his reflection at the mirror. Sho had left a spectacular mark on his neck, below his earlobe which couldn’t be hidden with a scarf.

“It’s okay, Matsujun, you must be proud of him,” Aiba smiled widely and patted his shoulder.

“Everyone will tease me if they see it.”

“I don’t tease you,” Aiba shrugged and returned to his dough.

“As if,” Jun hissed and started working while made a mental note that he would scold Sho once he got home.

Jun never dreamed of becoming a patisserie, when he was in high school, his parents wanted him to become a lawyer, but he had no interest in studying law. He hated everything related to it, even reading a novel with court scene made him sick to his stomach. His parents were disappointed when he told them that he didn’t want to study law, his father even didn’t talk to him for three months. The only one who supported him was his grandfather. He went to patisserie school and learned there for about a year before opening his own shop with the help of his grandfather.

He was a specialist in creating a wedding cake and it didn’t need a long time before the news about his skill spread out. He loved his shop and enjoyed what he was doing. His biggest satisfaction was to see his customer’s happy face when they cut their wedding cake. Sho even often told him that he had some kind of magic spell to make everyone happy through his cakes.

However, Jun always wanted to upgrade his skill. He wanted to keep his creation fresh with a new idea once in a month. With that, the customers wouldn’t find his cakes boring. That was why he always got a big amount of order, either for weddings or parties. It meant he had to stay at his shop until late and came back early in the morning the next day, not mentioning that most of the morning stuff would be done by Aiba.

He had four employees so far; Aiba who became his right hand and the one Jun trusted to handle the shop when he was too occupied for a special order. The rest were Nakajima, Fujigaya and Inou, a group of handsome young boys who never failed in attracting the customers, especially the young girls.

“I have to finish the cake before five,” Jun murmured, glancing at the clock on the wall.

“Mayor’s daughter?” Aiba confirmed.

Jun nodded. He was still thinking what concept he should be using to create a beautiful wedding cake for the Mayor’s daughter.  
“It’s the chance, you know,” Jun said while taking an apple from the fridge. “There will be a lot of guests from the high level government officials, if we can impress them, we can promote our shop even wider.”

“That’s for sure,” Aiba answered. “But I need some sleep as well,” he added.

Jun grinned, remembering the last time they got big order; they didn’t get proper sleep for almost a week.

“You work too hard,” Aiba continued.

“Did I?” Jun said, still holding the apple to find some inspiration.

“You can’t leave your boyfriend too long while he’s at home,” Aiba said.

Jun smiled and decided to use that apple as the decoration for the cake. His mind flew to Sho; Aiba was right that he should spare some times for Sho while he was at home. But, he had to finish the cake as well, Sho could wait for another two or three hours.

He never thought about his upcoming wedding with Sho; what kind of party they would be holding or how many guests they would be inviting. Jun was scared that the wedding wouldn’t turn the way he wanted or the way Sho wanted because both of them were perfectionist. They didn’t really talk about it seriously since Jun was the one who always avoided the topic. He didn’t know why, but talking about the wedding always turned him anxious. He wouldn’t mind if their wedding was just a registration to the administrative office; but he knew that Sho’s family wouldn’t agree with that. Sho had many friends, he wanted them all to attend his wedding party and he wanted them all to know Jun. Maybe it would become another chance to promote his shop, but Jun couldn’t imagine it – he was scared of it – out of nothing.

“I need a good wedding planner,” Jun said when he and Aiba were having their lunch break at the back of the shop.

Aiba chewed his tempura and gulped it before replying, “What kind of party do you want to have?”

Jun shrugged, “Maybe with some real cupids shooting their arrows to us.”

Aiba chuckled when he heard that.

“Do you have any suggestion?” Jun asked, even though half of him was sure that Aiba would say that he had no clue about so-called-wedding planner, but Aiba’s answer was unexpected.

“I know a guy who can help you,” he said. “I had attended a wedding party which was organized by this guy and it was perfect,” he continued.

“Really?”

Aiba nodded in response. “I can take you to his office this weekend.”

“You know him that well?” Jun raised his brows in suspicion.

“It’s a coincidence,” Aiba said, finishing his food and packing his lunch box to his tote bag.

“I’ll tell Sho about it,” Jun said. He just realized that they even hadn’t decided the date yet and he needed some encouragement to start the conversation. “But, maybe it’s better if I go alone,” he added.

“I’ll give you his name card,” Aiba finished his lunch and gulped the orange juice deliciously.

“Thanks,” Jun said. “Let’s go back to work.”

Jun glanced at the clock; he couldn’t wait to go home and talk to Sho – properly.  
***  
Sho was watching news program on TV when Jun got home. He hadn’t changed his pajamas; his hair was in great mess and he was half-asleep. Jun shook his shoulder softly to wake him up.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t hear you coming,” he mumbled.

“You must be so tired,” Jun smiled at him and let Sho snuggled to his chest. “Do you want something particular for dinner?”  
“Not really,” Sho said. He lifted his head and leaned to the sofa while yawning sleepily.

Jun rose off of the sofa and headed the kitchen. He wore his apron and started preparing the ingredients he needed to cook the dinner. As expected, it was hard to talk to Sho about the wedding. They ate dinner and talked randomly. Sho insisted to wash the dishes and told Jun to take a bath earlier. Jun kissed his cheek to thank him and left for the bathroom, but he stopped half-way as he found Sho’s schedule on his opened laptop.

“Hawaii?” Jun mumbled to himself.

He sighed and took the towel from the pouch. Maybe he wasn’t the only one who couldn’t talk properly.

To be continued


	2. Kanawanai Yakusoku Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A semi long distance relationship was never a problem for Jun and Sho, they trusted each other and managed to live the same path. However, the sudden appearance of Ninomiya and Ohno had affected Jun’s decision.

“Remind me why are we here?” Jun asked.

Sho was gripping his fingers tightly when they crossed the street. The night had just come, the air turned chillier, but it didn’t prevent people from going outside.

“Watching a stage play,” Sho answered. “It’s been a long time since the last time I watched one.”

Jun wanted to say that he preferred staying at home and watching some DVD’s rather than walking under the cold air to watch a random stage play that he didn’t particularly want to see. However, he held himself from saying so. Sho was so excited about it, he bought the tickets along beforehand without Jun’s knowledge. He showed up an hour ago at Jun’s shop and dragged him towards the city hall, ignoring Jun’s protest that he still needed to finish a few cakes. Jun couldn’t grab why Sho wanted to watch a stage play before his flight tomorrow evening. They should have gone home, slept properly and maybe made love – something they would miss during their separation. 

"One of the artists is my friend from high school," Sho said when they reached the hall. “Tonight is the last performance, I can’t miss it.”

“Alright,” Jun said, knowing that he could do nothing to change Sho’s mind.

They reached the city hall where the stage play would take place, a huge poster was attached on the wall, there were around 10 artists captured there; all of them wore the clothes from Edo period with the ancient hairstyle and interesting make up.

"You said that you like history," Sho said again, searching for their tickets inside his pocket.

"Did I?" Jun replied.

He looked at the main character on the poster. Somehow, his face suited the ancient role. His expression was somewhat fierce, he held a long sword in both of his hands. His black hair tied up tightly, his brows united which made his face look more serious.  
"Which one is your friend?" Jun asked.

"This one," Sho pointed at the main character. "He was a shy boy when were junior high school, I never guessed that he would become an actor.”

Jun took a look at the main character’s face once again; a shy boy who finally chose this path as his career, what a weird life. He never watched any stage play before this because he was too absorbed to cakes and pies; he simply had no time for something else. He liked history when he was in high school, but it didn’t mean he enjoyed Kabuki or something related to it. Edo period was there and there was no need to bring it to the recent times through stage plays.

“Good evening,” a young boy greeted them as they reached the entrance.

“Two persons,” Sho said, handing the tickets to the boy. He tore it apart, kept it inside the box in front of him and gave the remained pieces back to Sho.

“Enjoy the show, Sir,” he said, bowing slightly.

“Thanks,” Sho said.

Jun followed Sho towards the front rows; their seats were at the third row, right in the middle – a perfect spot to watch the performance.

More guests entered the hall; most of them were middle aged men and women. Jun grimaced, this wasn’t the perfect night to say good bye to Sho before his flight. He didn’t know how long the show would last and how long they had before the morning come. He wanted to cuddle with Sho, he wanted to hold him all night to keep his warmth long enough until the next time he came home.  
“Have you watched his performance before?” Jun asked, referring to Sho’s friend.

“I think I’ve watched him once; it was a long time ago. A local stage play with only 50 seats, he got a small role back then.”

“Why he ended up on this path if he was a shy boy?”

“I don’t know,” Sho shrugged. “He’s good at dancing and singing, maybe he found his passion here, just like you with your cake stuffs.”

Jun recalled his memories when he fought with his father over his decision to become a pâtissier. He wondered whether Sho’s friend experienced the same thing.

The seats were all occupied fifteen minutes later. The lamps were dimmed and a woman’s voice announced that the show would be beginning shortly. Both of them paid attention at the stage where the spot light was.

The movement from the right side of the stage stole everyone’s attention; the main actor had appeared, he moved so fast as if having a pair of wings on his back.

He wore a hannya mask and made a difficult movement with his sword before disappearing to the dark side of the stage. The other actor replaced him and did the same thing; but the movement wasn’t as complicated as the first one.

When all the main actors and actresses appeared at the opening; the real show finally began. It was the story from the end of Edo period; Jun knew the plot from the history books he had read and he had no difficulties to grab the whole scene. He recognized Sho’s friend, he was the one who wore the hannya mask. Sho’s description about him as a shy boy were all vanished – all Jun could see was an actor, a very good one. 

He acted like the real Samurai from Edo Bakufu; his expression, his way of talk, his body language and his dignity as if he had travelled through the time machine from the past. Jun unconsciously praised him when he made a difficult movement to combat his enemies; and he clapped his hands louder than Sho at the end of the show.

All of the actors and actresses once again made a line and bowed towards the audiences; Jun was one of many other guests who gave a standing applause.

“It was incredible,” he said to Sho as they walked out of the hall. His mood was totally different compared to the first time he stepped his feet here.

“Do you want to greet him?” Sho asked.

Jun looked at his boyfriend and glanced at his watch, “I don’t think so, it’s already late and you need some rest.”

“It’s okay, just for five minutes,” Sho gripped his wrist and dragged him towards the backstage that looked like a warzone now after the performance.

Both of them crossed the costumes ward and the section where wires were lined up before reaching the dressing room. The performers were cleaning their make up when they got there and nobody really noticed them.

“There he is,” Sho gestured towards the man at the corner. He had finished cleaning his makeup and still busy with his belongings when Jun and Sho approached him.

“Satoshi kun, that was great,” Sho said.

The man lifted his head and met Sho’s gaze. His face changed into a surprised expression, but soon turned into a broad smile.  
“Sho kun, what a surprise,” he stood up and shook Sho’s hand before giving him a brief hug. He was short and skinny, there was nothing left from his Samurai role, just an ordinary modern man. There was no fierce expression or dignity on that face; oppositely, he looked somehow bored and trapped at the wrong place. “How’s life?” he asked.

“Nothing special,” Sho smiled.

“You fly to new places every day, it must be so exciting,” Ohno replied. He finally glanced at Jun who listened to their conversation.  
“This is Jun, my boyfriend,” Sho introduced them. “He’s the rising star pâtissier,” Sho continued.

“He’s exaggerating it,” Jun extended his hand to shake Ohno’s, “Nice to meet you, Ohno san, you’re so great on stage.”

“Nice to meet you too,” Ohno smiled at him; a kind of smile a cat would give to the person they liked. “I’m so honored that both of you came to watch our performance.”

“You’re too humble,” Sho said. “Your posters fulfill almost the entire public places wall.”

Ohno chuckled and shook his head; he glanced at Jun again and said, “I probably need to go to your shop. I miss chocolates; they forced me to do a strict diet during the show.”

“Sure, you can come anytime you want,” Jun said. Ohno gave him another wide smile which unexpectedly sent a prickle to Jun’s stomach.

Ohno invited them to have a drink, but Jun declined it since Sho needed a long sleep tonight. He ignored Sho’s silent protest that he didn’t mind to have a glass or two; Jun knew Sho too well – he wouldn’t put his glass unless he blacked out from alcohol.  
They left the backstage, heading the exit towards the main road where they get a cab to go home.

“He’s a nice man,” Jun commented.

“Yeah,” Sho nodded. “I’m glad that I met him again.”

Jun looked at the scenery outside from the taxi they were riding. He recalled Ohno’s movement when he acted the Samurai role; somehow it seemed to drag him towards the past. Maybe Ohno was really a time traveler, Jun thought randomly.

“Sho,” he rested his head on Sho’s shoulder. “When you come back, let’s talk about our upcoming wedding.”

Sho caressed his hair softly and leaned his head to Jun’s, “Sure,” he answered.

Jun closed his eyes and circled his right hand to Sho’s waist; he moved his head to Sho’s chest to listen to his heartbeat. Maybe both of them didn’t feel the raising heartbeat anymore when they saw each other compared to the first time they started dating. Jun wondered whether their relationship would remain the same after they got married; would he become more jealous if he saw Sho with the pretty stewardess. Would he scold Sho more often for leaving the room in chaos? Would he wake up earlier to prepare Sho’s uniform before his flight?

The night felt even shorter than usual, Sho was still sleeping when Jun woke up the next morning. He prepared Sho’s breakfast and left a message on the fridge before going to his shop. He couldn’t bear the feeling that Sho would not be here tonight. The apartment seemed to become twice larger after Sho left; Jun thought that he would get used to it after years, but he was wrong. He couldn’t erase the empty hollow every time Sho left.

It was eight in the morning and he had to deliver the wedding cake to the Mayor’s house. He was glad that he could finish the order just in time, so he didn’t need to stay up late and woke up early, thanked to Aiba’s help.

He looked at his reflection on the mirror, his brown curly hair needed to be cut, his thick eyebrows needed some treatment and he needed to shave, but he didn’t want to do the last one. He wouldn’t meet someone important today; the cake delivery would be handled by Fujigaya; all he was going to do is creating the new cake for the upcoming Valentine event.

Jun searched for the hairclip to hold his bang to the top of his head, grabbed his coat and walked out of his apartment. The air was getting colder and he suddenly pitied himself that he would be alone on Valentine.  
***  
The day passed by like the other days; the customers came, picked some cakes and left the store with the smile on their lips. It was almost eight pm and they were about to close the shop when somebody appeared on the doorstep. Jun was still teasing Nakajima that his favorite idol looked like one of his neighbors when the man entered.

He looked doubt while checking the address on his phone. Jun recognized him and he suddenly regretted that he didn’t shave this morning.

“We’re about to close, Sir,” Nakajima said.

“Ohno san,” Jun approached the man while giving Nakajima a little nod that he would handle their guest. “Welcome, we’re sorry that we’ll be closing the shop shortly and there is not much left.”

“I’m late then,” Ohno said. He gave his usual smile to Jun and to all of Jun’s employers.

“Please take a seat, I can bake something for you,” Jun gestured to his guest towards the nearest chair. “It must be difficult for you to take a break from your rehearsal schedule,” he said, guessing the reason why Ohno came here in such late time was because of his schedule.

“Thanks,” Ohno said while sitting and spreading his sight to the shop. “I’m not that busy. I still have time to walk the city.”

Ohno’s voice was soft, so different compared with his voice when he played the Samurai role. “Your shop is so nice.”

“Thanks,” Jun smiled. “Sho helped me with the design.”

“He’s great,” Ohno muttered. “He always became the best grader when we were at school.”

“It’s so nice that you still be friends after such a long time.”

“Some friends left a deep impression and Sho kun is one of them,” Ohno said, uniting his fingers while talking. Jun glanced at those fingers and saw the Band-Aid covered Ohno’s forefinger. He decided to save the question for later.

“What can I get for you?” he asked.

“I leave it to you,” Ohno said. “I love cakes and chocolates, even though I have to control myself from eating them.”

“I don’t want to fail your diet,” Jun said while leaving Ohno towards the kitchen. Fujigaya and Nakajima followed him.

“Who’s that? It’s your first time to talk to a customer like that,” Nakajima commented.

“He’s Sho’s friend,” Jun answered shortly. “He’s an artist.”

“Who?” Aiba who just came from the lavatory chimed in.

“A stage play actor who happens to be Sho’s friend,” Jun said while opening the fridge to check what he still had.

Aiba peeped outside and closed his mouth with both of his hands. “No way,” he muttered.

“What? Do you know him?” Jun asked.

“No, but everybody is talking about him,” Aiba said, beaming. “Literally everybody, the girls idolize him and I heard that many producers have offered him to play for their dramas. Matsujun, you just get a high class customer.”

“If he’s that popular, I should have known him earlier,” Jun mumbled.

“That’s because you’re too focused on your cakes receipt, you need to spare your time to see the outside world,” Aiba said, helping him with the chocolate.

They made a low-fat cake for Ohno and a cup of black coffee. Aiba carried the tray and followed Jun’s steps towards Ohno’s table.

“A special one for you,” Jun put the cakes before Ohno who saw it with a delightful face. “This is low-fat, you don’t need to worry,” Jun added.

“Can I have your signatory?” Aiba asked out of the blue.

Ohno looked at the tall man and smiled, “Sure,” he said. Aiba muttered that he would get a paper and a pen and disappeared to the back room.

Jun apologized for that, but Ohno shook his head, “I barely have fans,” he said. Jun knew it must be a lie or Ohno was just too humble that he didn’t want everyone think that he was a famous person.

The artist enjoyed the cake, looked so content as if he hadn’t eaten for days. Jun never saw anyone ate the cake with that kind of expression.

“This is so yummy,” he praised. “Sho kun is so lucky to have you, only to eat the delicious cakes each day,” he said.

Jun chuckled, “He’s a picker, and sometimes he even said that my work was awful.”

“Really?”

Jun nodded, he was surprised that it was very easy to talk with this man whom he had just met twice. There was no space for awkwardness, it felt like he and Ohno were old friends. Maybe it was because both of them were connected by Sho that it felt natural for Ohno to come to his shop and did some chit chat.

Aiba appeared with a piece of paper and a pen, he handed them to Ohno, the artist wrote his signatory there and gave the paper back to Aiba.

“Thanks,” Aiba said and gestured to Ohno to continue his conversation with Jun.

“Do you live in Tokyo?” Jun asked. He wondered whether Ohno’s life was like the circus player who moved from place to place when they performed.

“I have just officially moved here,” Ohno answered. “Before that, I come here once a week for the performance.”

“It must be tough,” Jun commented. He never lived outside of Tokyo, he couldn’t imagine how it felt to live in a new place with new people and a completely different environment.

“Not really, I love new places,” Ohno said, sipping his coffee.

“I love your performance,” Jun praised the artist again because he thought that he didn’t say it right on their first encounter.

“Thank you,” Ohno replied humbly.

“What happens to your finger?” Jun asked.

“Oh, this?” Ohno showed the wounded fingers, “I cut them during the practice.”

Jun grimaced.

“It happened so often,” Ohno said. “This is just a little one. Have you ever played any sword?”

“No,” Jun shook his head. Did Ohno always ask the other people with that kind of question? Everybody knew that sword wasn’t the thing we keep at home, unless we were the historic maniac and no matter how much he liked history, Jun never thought that he would buy a sword on purpose.

Ohno sipped the coffee until there was nothing left, he glanced at his watch and was surprised that he stayed too long.

“I’m sorry that I prolong your closing time,” he apologized. He paid for the cakes and the coffee, even though Jun said it was free drink for a special guest.

“It’s okay, I’m looking forward for your next visit,” Jun walked his guest towards the doorstep.

“Sure,” Ohno said, smiling while bowing slightly. He zipped his jacket and turned his body away from Jun. The latter looked at the man until he disappeared on the corner.

“You should take me to watch his performance next time,” Aiba commented as they closed the shop. Fujigaya and the others had gone home earlier.

“I’ll be busy for my wedding, though,” he said.

“Have you contacted the wedding organizer agency?” Aiba asked.

“Not yet,” Jun said. He had just realized that he had a bunch to do within a short time. He and Sho hadn’t chosen the date; but Sho had told him that he wanted a wedding party at the beginning of spring because it was a perfect time to start something important. It meant they only had two months to prepare everything.

He walked home with so many thoughts. Maybe he should contact the wedding organizer as soon as possible. Aiba had given him the telephone number of the agency; he starred at the number for minutes. It felt like stepping into the unknown world when he thought about the wedding. There were too many things that he needed to worry about. 

 

To be continued


	3. Kanawanai Yakusoku Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A semi long distance relationship was never a problem for Jun and Sho, they trusted each other and managed to live the same path. However, the sudden appearance of Ninomiya and Ohno had affected Jun’s decision.

Seven years ago

Sho rubbed his hands together, shivering from the cold air of December. His breaths turned into mist, his feet were nearly numb as he only wore usual sneakers instead of winter boots. He glanced at the watch on his left wrist, ten minutes passed 10 in the evening – normal people would have gone to bed at this hour. If it wasn’t for the most important person in his life, he would have not left his warm fireplace just to hunt a hamburger for the very late supper. He wasn’t even sure that the restaurants still opened this late. 

“Sho chan!” Nino waved his hands as he ran towards Sho, crossing the street. He was almost fifteen minutes late. “Sorry to keep you waiting, I get a stomachache,” Nino gave him an apologetic smile while adjusting his scarf around his neck. 

“If you get a stomachache, why don’t we eat something more proper than a hamburger?” Sho asked while looking at the man before him, he extended his hand to help Nino fix his scarf. 

“I’m gonna die if I don’t eat hamburger tonight,” Nino replied with an innocent smile. 

Sho sighed, but how could he say no? Nino always succeed in making him grant his most stupid wish – searching for a hamburger in the coldest night of December was one of them. 

“Let’s go,” Sho said, turning around and leading the way. 

They walked side by side, Nino approached him and circled his hand on Sho’s arm, looking for warmth. 

“Sho chan, are you mad at me?” Nino mumbled. 

“I’m so mad that I could change you into a bear,” Sho said, taking Nino’s fingers and inserted their hands to the pocket of his coat.

“Why bear?”

“So I can get rid of this cold by hugging you.” 

Nino released a soft chuckle and squished his fingers inside his pocket. He began resting his head on Sho’s shoulder while walking. Sho couldn’t get mad at this particular guy, no matter how annoying he was or no matter how absurd his request could be. Nino had dragged Sho to a haunted house on his birthday, saying that it was a perfect time to pump his adrenalin. Nino even made him drink a super bitter juice as the punishment when Sho was late for their weekly date. Sho was a short tempered person actually, but he mellowed if he was with Nino as if the other man possessed something magical which melted his anger. 

Sho met Nino around a year ago and started dating him two months later. Their encounter was a pure coincidence inside a bus from Tokyo to Nagoya. Sho went there to visit his grandmother; meanwhile Nino went for a trip. They sat side by side and talked randomly. Sho was glad that he had company along the way, moreover if the person was as cute as Nino. Sho was still attending the pilot school back then and Nino had just graduated high school. 

Sho didn’t remember the details how they ended up dating, but he remembered when he confessed to Nino. It was at the beginning of spring when he started the new semester. Nino came to his campus in order to congratulate him for his success training and Sho kissed him without thinking any further. Sho still amused if he recalled the memory; it had been a year and they were happy together. Sometimes, they fought over small things, but it didn’t last long until one of them apologized. They went out for a date every other weekend or every time their schedule matched, they went to the aquarium or amusement park or out of the city. Sho had never been happier. 

They found the only hamburger restaurant which still opened at the corner of the street, right when Sho’s feet had denied to walk any further. The part timer boy who came to note their order looked sleepy and tired, but he managed to give them a fake smile.   
Nino mentioned their order, ignoring Sho’s protest that he didn’t need any supper. The part timer boy came back to them, putting their order on the table and gestured to them to enjoy it. 

“It’s yummy,” Nino said, chewing his hamburger deliciously. 

Sho looked at him and smiled; he wasn’t particularly hungry, but he took the hamburger and ate it. 

“This will be my favorite for a couple of weeks,” Nino said. 

“I think you’ll change your mind in three days,” Sho commented, knowing Nino’s bad habit in picking his food. He would eat the same thing for couple of days until he got bored and moved to the other menu and did the same thing all over again. 

“Perhaps, but my feeling for you never change,” Nino said in a casual tone. 

“I can eat you now for saying those pretty words,” Sho replied, giving up on his hamburger since he was really full. 

They rode the last bus towards Nino’s apartment and Sho would be heading his house by cab from there. He still lived at his parents’ house and it meant he couldn’t drag Nino to his room. They mostly had homey-date at Nino’s cramped place with no enough heater in winter. They would snuggle to each other under the blanket and shared kisses. 

However, the final semester had kept Sho busy for most of the time these past three months. He could only meet Nino at the first weekend of the month and it had turned worse with their unmatched schedule. 

“How’s your work?” Sho asked as they reached Nino’s stop. 

“Boring,” the shorter answered. “I envy you.” 

“For what?” 

“You’ll become a pilot; you’ll travel the world for the rest of your life. Isn’t that the job I should envy for?” 

Sho stopped his steps, so did Nino. They faced each other in silence; Sho envisioned their relationship ahead; he would leave Nino alone for most of the time. He wondered whether Nino expected something like marriage since Sho never thought about it. Both of them were too young, too naïve and there was a long way ahead until they reached that level.

Sho caressed Nino’s cheek softly, “You’ll always be the one I come home for.” 

Nino smiled slightly and shook his head, “Thanks, but if you find someone else better than me in another part of the globe….”   
“Sssssst,” Sho put his forefinger on Nino’s lips, “never talk to me like that.” 

They continued walking, hand in hand. Nino’s fingers were warm and they gripped Sho’s tightly as if afraid of losing each other when they loosened it.   
***   
Days changed into weeks, into months and the day when Sho finally finished his education had come. He still needed the last training in order to get an official certificate to fly a commercial plane, but it wasn’t a big issue since he finished his education very well with the satisfying result. 

Nino had bought a little chocolate cake to celebrate his graduation; he waited at his apartment and managed to buy beers as well. He kissed Sho’s lips as he arrived on the doorstep, dragging him to his cramped room and gestured him to sit down. 

“Congratulation, Sho chan,” he said, saluting him with the beer in his hand. “One more step and you’ll become Captain Sakurai.” 

“Thanks,” Sho said, taking his own beer and sipped it. 

“When will you fly?” Nino asked. 

“As soon as I get my certificate,” Sho answered. “I’ll start with the domestic flight, assisting the captain until I’m capable enough to become one.” 

Nino nodded and flashed a slight smile at him while cutting the cake into two parts. 

“For my captain,” he said. 

“Not yet,” Sho corrected, but he took the cake with a smile on his lips. 

“One day, you’ll become the coolest captain in the entire Japan.” 

Sho chuckled and leaned closer to give Nino a brief hug. “When I become a captain, I’ll take you away from here, we’ll have a vacation in the tropical island, just the both of us.” 

Nino pulled away and looked at him with the sparks in his eyes, but it soon disappeared. “You’ll forget me once you find your true place.” 

“Forgetting you is more difficult than landing a plane in a turbulence sea,” Sho said, fastening his embrace on Nino’s skinny body.   
Nino circled his hands on his back and kissed his exposed neck, “Thanks,” he said. 

They kissed each other’s lips passionately; Nino’s hands found their way to Sho’s shirt buttons and loosened them one by one. Both of them were shirtless in no time; ignoring the cold in the room. They parted and looked into each other’s eyes and with no more words, both of them joined their body as one. 

Sho had slept with Nino many times, but tonight felt a little bit different. He couldn’t describe it well by words and when they finished, he saw that Nino was crying. 

“What’s wrong?” he asked. “Did I hurt you?”

Nino shook his head and buried his face on Sho’s neck. “I love you, Sho chan.” 

***   
Two months later, Sho was assigned for his first official flight. 

"Good evening everyone, this is your co-pilot, Sakurai Sho speaking from the cockpit."

Sho was all nervous along his flight from Tokyo to Fukuoka; this was his very first official real flight, not just a simulator at school. The captain beside him was a middle aged man with more than 10.000 hours’ flight experience named Matsuoka. He was a friendly person with rather loud voice and loved to call everyone with their first names - regardless they just met for the first time.

"Welcome aboard," he shook Sho's hand with strong grip as he entered the cockpit.

"Thank you, Captain. My name is Sakurai," Sho said, introducing himself.

"I know, I read your CV, Sho kun," he winked. Matsuoka smiled broadly and gestured him to sit down. "Don't be nervous, enjoy the ride. I read that you were one of the best students at school."

"That’s not true, there’s a bunch that I need to learn," Sho said, shaking his head.

“Yeah, but you are clearly cleverer than me when I was at your age,” Matsuoka said. “Let’s do our best,” he added.  
Sho nodded.

Matsuoka smiled at him before speaking to the microphone in front of him, announcing that they were ready to take off. Sho did just like what he had learned during his training, it was similar with the simulator room, only that they would fly this plane for real and they must not make any mistakes.

Sho was glad that he could handle his nervousness very well. The flight was nice with only a little turbulence, and they would be landing shortly on the runway at Fukuoka airport. He couldn't help but smiling and he couldn't wait to tell Nino about the details of his first flight.

"You can announce our arrival," Matsuoka said.

"But, this is my very first time," Sho grinned.

"Who cares, nobody knows," Matsuoka said, giving him a pat on his shoulder. "It's a kind of boring to say the same thing all over again, I'll be glad if you could substitute me."

Sho inhaled a deep breath; remembering the line he had to speak, he had been dying to say the lines since the first time he joined the pilot school and here it was, his first chance to announce the arrival of the plane he drove, not mentioning that he wasn't the captain - not yet at least.

"Good evening ladies and gentlemen, this is your co-pilot, Sakurai Sho speaking from the cockpit. We will be landing shortly at the Fukuoka airport, the weather is reported fine with the visibility of ten kilometers and the temperature in Fukuoka is 10 degrees Celsius. Please fasten your seatbelt and thank you for flying with us, enjoy the rest of your flight and see you at the other opportunity, welcome to Fukuoka” Sho ended the announcement and turned at Matsuoka who lifted his thumb at him.

***  
"Good job," Matsuoka praised him as they exited the arrival hall in Chubu Centrair International Airport in Nagoya. It was their last flight of that day.

Sho was so excited and couldn't wait for his next flight, he dragged his luggage with the lighter heart compared with two hours ago when he stepped into the departure hall in Narita airport. He glanced at the stewardesses behind him; they all looked exhausted, but also relieved that they had finished their work for today. He remembered how Nino frowned in worrisome that he would be tempted with the hot stewardesses on his flight. Sho could say that none of them was his type, besides, they didn't have any sweet smile or innocent grin like Nino and no matter how pretty they were, Sho wouldn't lay an eye on them.

"Thanks for today, Matsuoka san, Sakurai san," they bowed to both of them as they separated at the hotel lobby.

"Sho," Matsuoka called. "Wanna have a drink tonight?"

Sho was so tired that he wanted to stay at the hotel room and had a nice long bathe, but he knew it would be rude if he turned the invitation down.

"Sure," he nodded.

They changed into their casual clothes and stepped towards the bar near the hotel. Matsuoka seemed already knew the bar owner since he greeted him cheerfully as they entered the place. He ordered two bottles of beer and started talking about his experience as the captain. He had flown to 50 countries so far and visited 156 cities.

"My favorite city is Caracas," he said, sipping his beer deliciously. "So many beautiful girls," he grinned.

"You must be a famous person," Sho commented.

"Every pilot is popular," he winked. "Girls line up to date you."

Sho chuckled and sipped his beer, what Matsuoka said was exactly the same with what Nino always told him. He slowly understood Nino’s feeling – it must have been hard for him to date a pilot whose life was mostly away from home. Nino even told Sho that he was free to choose another person he liked if he found one.

"Do you have someone waiting for you?" Sho asked the man.

"Along time ago, yes," Matsuoka answered. "But she's happy with her new family now."

"I'm sorry," Sho said, feeling guilty that he asked something he shouldn't ask.

"Don't mind, I'm not sure if she would have been happy if she stayed with me, maybe it's better off this way."

Sho nodded and sipped his beer again. He couldn't bear the thoughts if Nino decided to leave him, saying that it was better to be separated so they didn't face the semi long distance relationship.

Nino's smile was a little bit sour when he wished Sho good luck last night. He apologized that he couldn't come to the airport because he needed to work. Even though he told Sho that there was nothing happened, Sho sensed something fishy.

Matsuoka was drunk when they left the bar; he mumbled about the girls he had been dating and giggled uncontrollably. Sho took him to his hotel room and made sure he lied on the bed before leaving him.

He finally had some time to write an email for Nino. It had been three months since he became a co-pilot and he felt that he was running out of time for himself. He usually finished working close to midnight when Nino already fast asleep and began early in the morning when Nino still on bed. He couldn’t contact Nino at noon, since the man was at work; the pattern kept on repeating and it was enough to make them losing contact to each other.

When Sho finished his flight the next day at Narita, the first thing he did was making a phone call to Nino. He reached the mailbox, though. He called the man again ten minutes later, still mailbox. He called over and over again, but Nino was out of reach, not mentioning that today was his off day like what he said on his last email.

Much to his worrisome, Sho went to Nino’s apartment, but it was empty. The landlord told him that Nino had moved out around a week ago.

"Did he tell you where he’d go?"

"No, sorry," the old man told Sho with the emphatic smile.

Sho thanked him and climbed down the stairs with the unexplained feeling. He felt like an abandoned vessel, floating alone in the lonely ocean. He slumped down at the bottom of the stairs, hoping for the slightest chance that Nino would come back.  
"Are you a pilot?" A child's voice asked him.

Sho lifted his head and looked at the little boy, probably around 5 years old. He was still on his kindergarten uniform; his mother was far behind.

"Yes," Sho answered. He fled here without changing his clothes and he must have been looked weird, stalking in front of someone's house with the pilot uniform.

"Cool," the kid smiled at him.

"Thanks," he replied the kid’s smile. He stood up and decided to check on the game center where Nino worked.

"See you, boy," he said while walking away from the building. He dug into his rucksack and slid out his jacket, he wore it in order to hide his standing out uniform. His lack of sleep due to the midnight flight finally affected him; his head was nearly exploded from the headache.

He reached the game center and asked Nino’s whereabouts, the girl on the cashier desk told him with rather irritating expression that Nino had resigned.

Sho walked out the building with an indescribable feeling. He stopped a cab and went back to his apartment which supposed to be the place he would live together with Nino. They had chosen the place together and Nino promised to move in by the end of this month. Why on earth he decided to leave without a trace?

Was it just his imagination or the world had turned grey all of a sudden? Sho leaned to the chair and closed his eyes; the uninvited tears formed in his eyes. He didn't try to hold it back; he let it flow to his cheeks, his chest was hurt, as if someone had stabbed him with a rusty knife.

What did he do wrong until Nino leave? Where did Nino go? Would he ever come back?

The thoughts made him even more agony. It was hard to concentrate to his works later on, but Sho had no choice but going on. Six months after Nino's disappearance, he began to sleep with many women including the stewardess. Sho did it to forget the bitter feeling inside his chest for a while, but the more he did, the emptier he felt.

He still waiting for Nino, he even hoped that Nino would show up at the arrival gate, welcoming him home with his broad smile – but it never happened – his hope was just hope. Nino had decided for himself that Sho wasn’t good enough for him, not caring that Sho was deeply hurt.

Two years had passed since Nino left him and finally Sho gave up. Nino would never come back, he knew it. The emptiness he felt was beyond words; drinking alcohol and sleeping with random girls never enough to fill it. His life turned into a terrible mess, until he met Jun.

Jun wasn’t Nino and Sho couldn’t find any comparison between them. Jun was a man with passion and confident. He never whined or showed any sign of weakness. Sho couldn’t imagine Jun asked him to accompany him to find a hamburger in the middle of the cold winter night.

He learned to love Jun, it was different compared to what he had for Nino. He never mentioned Nino’s name in front of Jun; he had tried to erase the trace of Nino from his head. However, the memories he had with the man had attached to his brain like a virus. Jun’s presence started to help him to overcome his loneliness, he stopped drinking, he stopped his one-night-stand escape and he tried to love Jun.

It had been three years passed since he and Jun dated. They had talked about marriage, even though both of them still in doubt whether it was the right thing to do. Sho couldn’t describe their relationship into words. Spending time with Jun was lovely, but he found it imperfect – there was something missing between them and both of them didn’t know what it was.

 

To be continued


	4. Kanawanai Yakusoku Chapter 4

Jun walked along the sidewalk, making sure that he was on the right street. He would go to the wedding organizer, not mentioning that he and Sho hadn’t talked about further details. Sho said that he left everything to Jun; however, the wedding concept was something which supposed to be decided by both parties – Jun thought bitterly. 

He stopped in front of the five-floored building number 17; the Mikatsuki Wedding Organizer was located at the third floor. As he disembarked the lift, he found an office on the left side of the corridor with ‘Mikatsuki’ kanji character printed on its door. He pushed the glass door and headed towards the reception desk; a young woman welcomed him with a broad smile on her lips. 

"Good morning, Sir. How may I help you?" the girl asked. 

“I want to meet Ninomiya san, I had made an appointment yesterday,” Jun said. 

“What is your name, Sir?” the girl asked while searching on her computer. 

“Matsumoto Jun.” 

"Your appointment is at nine," the woman looked at him and smiled. “I’ll inform Ninomiya san, please wait a moment,” she said while gesturing to Jun to wait at the sofa on the right side of the reception desk. It was still fifteen minutes to nine, he came too early. 

Jun sat down on the couch and looked around the office; the interior design was so good; there was an abstract painting on the wall across from him and an antique jar at the left corner. The soft blue sofa fit the blue paint of the wall; the arrangement of minimalist furniture gave a perfect nuance to the room. 

"Would you like some coffee or tea?" the same woman asked him as she came back from Ninomiya’s office room. 

"Coffee, please," Jun said. 

“Please wait a moment,” she smiled again and disappeared to the back of the office. 

Jun slid out his phone and checked his email; the last one was from Sho. He explained shortly about his next flight and told Jun not to work too hard. There was no ‘I miss you’ or ‘I love you’ – like always. He had gotten used to Sho’s insensitivity, but he hoped Sho would write those simple words on his email once in a while. 

Jun opened another email from one of his customers who ordered extra cake for next week. He forwarded the message to Aiba and asked him to reply to the customer. Then he browsed randomly until he found the review about Ohno’s stage play. The actor’s photograph was attached at the ending part of the article; he was holding the sword like a real Samurai. 

“Young talented actor, Ohno Satoshi, refused to act for a drama series” 

The article was poorly written and it was more like a criticism towards the artist instead of the main topic that he refused to play a role in a drama. Jun skipped the page and searched for another article about the wedding. None of the party concept attracted him and he felt even more frustrated by looking at them. He closed the browser and glanced at his watch; it was already closed to nine am.

A few minutes later, the woman came back with a tray in her hands, she approached the table, put the cup in front of Jun and gestured to him to enjoy the coffee.

"Thanks," Jun said.

He sipped the coffee which was a little bit sweet for his liking; he spread his sight to his surrounding once again. He wondered what kind of people came here to discuss about their upcoming wedding; he wondered whether they also felt the same way as he did – stressed for nothing. He must have been looked stupid to come here all alone without a partner; he tried not to think about Sho at the moment, because it made him even more agony. 

"Excuse me, Sir," the same woman approached him as he finished half of his coffee. "Ninomiya san is ready to meet you."

Jun put the cup down on the table and followed the woman’s step towards the door across from the waiting room. She knocked three times before holding the door knob. 

"Come in," a man's voice was heard.

Jun entered the room as the woman opened it for him, he thanked her as she left and closed the door behind. 

“Good morning, Matsumoto san,” the man behind the desk greeted him; he rose off of his seat and approached Jun. “I’m Ninomiya Kazunari, it’s very great to see you.” 

“Nice to meet you, too,” Jun offered a smile to the man and took a seat as the other gestured to him to sit down. They sat down face to face with the low table between them. The atmosphere in this room was also pleasant with soft fragrant which smelled like oil massage from the tropical islands. 

Jun looked at the man before him; he was probably in the middle of his twenties, his short black hair was nicely combed, he had beautiful nose and pretty lips; two moles decorated his chin. In other words; he was a very good-looking-guy. 

“I have received your email,” Ninomiya said, flashing a genuine smile at Jun. “You have a unique concept,” he added. 

“I’m not sure about this,” Jun replied, “I need your help to modify it. By the way, it was my friend who recommended you, he said that you’re so good in arranging the wedding.” 

"Your friend?"

"His name is Aiba," Jun said.

"Aiba kun? you know him?" Ninomiya beamed.

"Yes, we work together."

Ninomiya's eyes widened as Jun mentioned it, "You must be that famous pettisier, the one who created the cakes for the Mayor's daughter’s wedding?"

Jun nodded.

"I'm so happy to meet you," Ninomiya said, extending his hands to shake Jun's. "I'm honored if I can help you."

Jun didn’t know how to react to Ninomiya’s compliment; he never considered himself as famous. He did work hard for his shop, but he never chased any popularity. 

"Thank you," was all he could say. “But I don’t think that I had made the details plan for the wedding."  
"Don't worry," Ninomiya said. “I can handle it.” 

"That's great," Jun said. “Can we take a glance at the plan? I need to ask a few things.” 

“Sure,” Ninomiya nodded. 

Jun slid out his tab from his hand bag and turned it on; he opened the file and showed to Ninomiya. He had just realized that he hadn’t made any design for the wedding invitation, maybe Ninomiya could also help him with that. 

The man checked the concept and nodded a few times. He handed the tab back to Jun and rose off of the sofa and headed towards his working desk. He searched something inside his drawer which looked like a photo album. 

“These are the photos of the wedding I had arranged,” Ninomiya said while handing Jun the album. Jun took it and flipped the pages; all of the photos looked great, some of them were taken abroad. 

“One more thing, do you want me to design the wedding invitation as well?” the man asked. 

“Oh, yes, I almost forget,” Jun said. He put down the album on the table, slid a pencil and a piece of paper out from his bag, then he wrote his and Sho’s name. He handed it to Ninomiya. 

"Sho?" the man confirmed. His right hand pointed at the kanji character of Sho's name.

"Yes, Sakurai Sho, my boyfriend's name," Jun said.

Ninomiya nodded, his eyes fixed on the kanji character for a while as if making sure that Jun had written it in the right way. He looked at Jun and flashed a smile. 

"I'll study your plan and will work on it, let's meet up on Tuesday evening, maybe we can have a dinner, what do you say?" Ninomiya asked.

"Sure, but is it okay for you? I mean it's out of the working hours."

"My special service," Ninomiya winked. "Can you come with your boyfriend?"

"I'm afraid I can't, he's still in Hawaii on Tuesday."

"Hawaii? Does he work there?"

"No, he's a pilot," Jun said.

"Oh," Ninomiya nodded understandingly. He made a note on his own notebook and put a post it on its page. "Can I have your phone number?" he asked.

"Sure," Jun searched for his name card inside his wallet and handed it to Ninomiya.

"Thanks," the man stuffed it inside his notebook. "I'll call you. Is it okay for me to decide where to meet?"

"I'll leave it to you," Jun said.

"Alright then. See you on Tuesday.” 

“Thank you,” Jun said, standing up from the sofa, shaking Ninomiya’s hand again before leaving the office. Ninomiya walked him towards the exit and Jun had just realized that the man was way shorter than him; but the height suited his figure in some ways. 

He couldn't erase the image of Ninomiya's face from his head. There was something about that man which brought an unexplainable feeling to him. But maybe Jun only over thought about it since he was so nervous about the wedding. There were two months left before April, he still had time to plan and worry about everything. 

He walked towards the nearest supermarket and bought some groceries. He hadn't cooked something for these past two weeks. The preparation for the mayor's daughter's wedding had stolen his entire time. He felt guilty to Sho that he was all busy when Sho was home. He should have spared more time for the pilot.

He pushed the trolley towards the meat section and picked fresh beef, pork and chicken. He planned to make something for his employees; something to thank them for their hard work. 

He turned towards the vegetable section, there were a few women picking some vegetable while comparing the price. Jun stopped his trolley and took a look at the vegetables before him. He was about to take a bunch of spinach when somebody called his name.

"Matsumoto san?"

He lifted his head and found Ohno. He carried a shopping basket in his hand which almost full of his purchasing. The man smiled broadly at him and approached him with light steps. Ohno's appearance was even more casual compared with the last time they met at Jun's shop. He wore a T-shirt below his simple designed jacket, a knee length pants and a pair of sneakers.

"Ohno san, it's a surprise to meet you here."

The actor shook his head, “Where did you expect to meet me? Did you finish?” 

"I still need to buy some fresh vegetables and milk," Jun said, glancing at his almost full trolley.   
"I'll accompany you," Ohno said without any hesitation.

"But, I think I still need quite sometimes, you must be in a hurry."

"Don't worry," Ohno said while shifting towards the vegetable section to help Jun picking them.

"Are you free today?" Jun asked.

"I have to practice after lunch," Ohno said. "Where do you plan to have lunch?"

Jun hesitated and shook his head, "I haven't decided."

"Let's eat ramen then," Ohno said lightly.

This man seemed never thought before act; Jun wondered whether he was really a shy boy when he was in high school. The way he talked to Jun was casual, as if they already knew each other very well. The assurance in his voice indicated that Jun would say yes to his invitation – somehow it intrigued Jun. 

Jun looked at his watch to give himself more time to think.

"I guess..."

"Just for a couple of minutes if you're busy," Ohno said.

"No, I didn't mean that. I guess we can go," he stuttered as seeing Ohno's bright smile.

They finished their purchasing and walked outside to the bright light with their heavy plastic bags. The sign of spring could be seen already, even though the air was still freaking cold. Ohno led their steps towards the ramen restaurant which located around three blocks from the supermarket. Jun had never been here; the restaurant was a small one at the corner of the street. The place was nearly hidden by the ice cream shop next to it which color was too bright. Ohno entered the cramped door and a voice of an old woman welcomed them.

"Ah, Satoshi kun, you come again," her gaze moved to Jun, "and you drag a super handsome man with you," she smiled at Jun who replied nervously. "Take a seat, you two, I'll get your ramen."

"Thank you, Inohara san," Ohno said, gesturing to Jun to take a seat at the counter.

"She knows you very well," Jun commented. 

"I come here too often," Ohno said, tapping his long fingers on the table. There were a few new scratches on his left fingers, but the wound on his thumb was still the hugest. "Are you interested in learning sword?" he asked Jun out of the blue.

"Er," Jun hesitated. "I don't know."

"You can join me in the studio."

Jun smiled weakly; he didn’t know how to face someone like Ohno who was too straightforward. The man smiled back at him, his eyes found their way to look at Jun straightly. Jun averted his gaze away; he shouldn’t have agreed to Ohno’s invitation at the first place to have lunch together. 

They ate in silence. Jun complimented the ramen as he finished. The old woman showed him her sincere smile and wished him a good day.

"Please come again, Satoshi kun and take your handsome friend again."

"I will," Ohno said and bowed slightly.

They walked out of the restaurant side by side towards the nearest bus stop. Ohno glanced at his phone and murmured that he was late.

"Is it okay?"

"It's not okay, but don't worry, they can start without me. So, where is Sho kun?"

"Hawaii," Jun said. "He'll be home in a few days. I have just talked to a wedding organizer; I was kind of nervous."

"You'll get married for real?" Ohno asked as if he heard a news of shooting accident at his neighborhood.

"Yeah, Sho kun and I have been living together for a long time and we think that it’s time for us to get married."

"What a lucky bastard," Ohno mumbled while giving Jun a stiff grin.

"Do you have someone special?" Jun asked.

"Everybody is special for me."

"I mean, like Sho kun to me."

Ohno thought for a while and shook his head. "I haven't found the right person. I have dated a few times, but of course it ended whether because we didn’t fit or because they found my down side and left."

"I'm sorry,"

"It's not the thing you have to be sorry for."

"You'll find them," Jun said.

"Perhaps," Ohno nodded. "But, you know, there are a few people who already found their other half but they separated because of the twist of fate."

"Poor them," Jun said, wondering whether those people were truly exist; it must be too cruel for both of them to lose a special person just because the unfairness or the other factors which led them into separation.

"I hope to see you again," Ohno said as they arrived at the bus stop.

"Please come to my shop anytime you want," Jun replied and bowed to the man.

As they separated, Jun’s mind flew to Sho. He missed the man already; it had been a long time since they had lunch together. It felt like someone else’s life in the past which had no connection with them. Come to think of it; he and Sho never really had a real date. They went to cinemas, to libraries, to museums, to shopping mall, but none of them seemed fun enough. Jun felt a grip in his chest; he didn’t know what it was, but it always told him that the incorrect things kept on occurring between them. 

Yet, he loved Sho – too much that it hurt. 

Jun mumbled ‘I’m home’ to the empty apartment. He took care of the groceries and wrote an email to Sho about the wedding organizer. He didn’t know what kind of message he should send to Sho. It took longer than he expected and after half an hour, he finally typed. 

from : Jun3008@gmail.com  
to : Sho.Sakurai@yahoo.co.jp  
subject : upcoming wedding

Dear Sho,  
How are you? 

I missed you already, this apartment seemed emptier without you, but don't worry, I can bear it with loud music and movies. How's your flight? Do you have a great time in Hawaii? You forgot your swimsuit, I bet you have to buy the new one;)

I went to the wedding organizer office this morning. The man in charge for our wedding named Ninomiya Kazunari, I think I'm gonna like him. We'll meet again on Tuesday evening to talk about the details, do you have anything you want me to tell him? Or maybe we can meet him together when you're home.

I met Ohno san as well, do you have a friend who's looking for a partner? I think we should introduce him to someone, he seems lonely (just my guess).

Tell me what you have in mind for our wedding. I'll be waiting for you to come home, safe flight.  
Love  
Jun

The email seemed okay; he clicked the send button and looked blankly at the laptop screen. He brushed his hair with his fingers and laughed at himself for thinking too deep only to send his own boyfriend a damn email. 

Why did he fall in love with Sho? The man was good looking for sure, but that wasn’t the only reason why Jun loved him. Sho could make him chasing his wildest dream; Sho could make him restless; Sho could make him feel like a sparkling light. 

He imagined Sho’s muscled body; Sho’s abs; Sho’s kiss; Sho’s touch when they made love. He closed his eyes and inhaled a deep breath, smelling the remaining scent of Sho in the room. He felt like a dumb, but who cared? He leaned his head on the armrest of the sofa, it didn’t take a long time before he dozed off. He dreamt about Sho – and Ninomiya. Both of them appeared at the different scene, but they were at the same place. Jun tried to call their name, but none of them realized his presence.

When he woke up, it was almost five in the evening; Jun rose off of the sofa and headed the bathroom to take a quick shower. He tried to grasp his dream, but the details leaked as if he trying to hold the water on his fist. Jun reminded himself that he was over thought about everything, maybe the wedding blue syndrome was truly existing. 

*** 

When Jun entered his shop, his employees welcomed him with bright smile as he entered; all of them seemed curious about his wedding plan. However, Jun didn’t want to talk about it, he hated the feeling of being exposed. He headed towards the kitchen and found Aiba who was busily baking the apple pie from Jun’s newest receipt. 

“Morning, how was it?” Aiba asked straightly. 

“I think I’ve found the right guy,” Jun replied while wearing the apron around his waist. “We’ll meet again on Tuesday and perhaps it would be nice if I bring him some present.” 

“Can you ask him to date me?” Aiba asked innocently. 

Jun gave his friend a questioning look and shook his head. He patted Aiba’s shoulder and whispered, “It depends on your own bravery…and maybe charm.” 

Aiba grinned awkwardly and continued his work. Jun checked the finished apple pie and didn’t find something wrong with the taste. It was his original creation; he delivered the receipt to Aiba and asked the guy to try it. 

He remembered the reason of creating this cake, it was for the Valentine day and he bitterly thought that Sho wouldn’t be here, just like the previous year, two previous years and a year before that.   
He sighed deeply and looked sadly at the apple pie. 

“Sho kun is such a cold person,” he mumbled. 

“Eh? What did you say?” 

“No, nothing,” Jun shook his head. He wished he could be like Ohno who was so straightforward about everything. 

Jun had seen many couples who looked so happy when they got married and he had imagined that he would have the same thing with Sho. But, the reality didn’t offer something you like; his feeling about the wedding was still vague. There was time where he wished that he were someone else; there was time where he wished that he and Sho stayed like this forever – without stupid thing called marriage. 

However, he knew that Sho was a person hard to keep; Jun didn’t know a thing about Sho’s past before they dated, but he felt that Sho’s soul was broken. The first time they made love; Sho didn’t even look into his eyes, as if his mind was somewhere else. Jun didn’t know how to love Sho in the right way and he thought that Sho would leave him as soon as he found something he’d been looking for. But Sho chose to stay with him; Sho always came home to him; Sho always kissed him in a way which melted him. With that, Jun convinced himself that Sho loved him as much as he did. 

Was he pretending to be happy with Sho? Jun never really thought about it; the time he spent with Sho was lovely. Sho’s warm body was something he needed the most when he felt tired. How could he say that he was pretending? 

Maybe he couldn’t have the weekly date like the ordinary couple had, maybe Sho wasn’t a type of a romantic person who would give him surprise on his birthday, but Jun had decided that he would live with the man. He tasted the pie once again and thought maybe he should bring some for Ninomiya on the day they would meet. 

 

To be continued


	5. Kanawanai Yakusoku Chapter 5

Jun chose his best outfit on the day he met Ninomiya; it didn’t mean that he wanted to impress the man, but it seemed to be the right thing to do in their encounter, remembering how Ninomiya dressed. He wore the scarf Sho had given him as his birthday present and a brown ivy hat. He made sure that he looked good before exiting his apartment. 

The place where Jun and Ninomiya would meet was a coffee shop which located two stations away from Jun’s shop. The atmosphere of that shop was pleasant with the dim light and some sofas with the different model. Ninomiya was waiting for him when he got there; he chose to sit at the corner near the window. The dim light didn’t prevent Jun from spotting Ninomiya’s figure whose skin was rather pale which made him glowed. He approached the table and sat down across from the man. 

“Sorry to keep you waiting,” Jun said. 

“I have just arrived,” Ninomiya answered, smiling at Jun. “Let’s order something,” he added, flipping the menu book, Jun did the same. 

A waiter came to their table with a tab in his hand, ready to note their orders. 

“Ice coffee latte, please,” Jun said. 

“Hot mocca,” Ninomiya mentioned his order. “Do you want some cakes? Ah, I forget that you are a patissier, maybe you want something aside from cakes?” 

“I’ll order something later,” Jun said. He loved trying cakes from another shop for a comparison, but today he was rather full.   
The waiter left them towards the kitchen. Both of them watched him before returning their gaze to each other. 

“I bring something for you,” Jun said while handing the paper bag with his hand-made apple pie inside it. “I hope you like it.” 

“Thank you,” Ninomiya beamed. “As expected from a patissier, I’m sorry that I don’t bring something for you in return.”

“It’s just a pie,” Jun shook his head. 

“I have tasted the cakes from your shop and I can say it’s different compared to the others; as if I can taste the feeling of its maker,” Ninomiya said sincerely. 

“Thank you, Ninomiya san, next time we have to meet in my shop.” 

“Sure do,” the guy winked at Jun who felt his lips stiffened. Ninomiya’s smile was one like Ohno’s which mesmerize people.   
“So, tell me, how did you meet your boyfriend?” 

Jun raised his brows, he usually didn’t talk his romance with someone he had just met. He couldn’t hide the awkwardness when he talked about it. He looked into Ninomiya’s eyes and considered whether it was okay to tell this guy, but first of all, Ninomiya was the wedding organizer, maybe he needed the information to complete the concept he would offer. 

"I met him at my friend's wedding," Jun said, recalling his memory from four years ago. "He was still a copilot back then, we met twice in two weeks and I was the one who asked him out."

"That must be so romantic," Ninomiya commented.

"He isn't a type of a romantic guy," Jun chuckled. He didn’t even say ‘I missed you’ after two weeks of separation, Jun thought bitterly, 

“Some people joke that romantic guy usually cheats,” Ninomiya said, giving Jun a mysterious gaze. 

“Really?” Jun replied, pushing away the thoughts of Sho having an affair. That was the last one on his mind; he trusted Sho with all his heart. 

The waiter came back with their orders; he gestured to them to enjoy the drink and offered them to order another menu. 

“Thank you, we’ll order again later on,” Ninomiya said. 

The waiter bowed at them and left. Both of them sipped their drink and paid attention to the singer on the stage. The young woman sang Utada Hikaru’s song, ‘First Love’, her voice fulfilled the room, sending a comfortable nuance. Jun glanced to Ninomiya; the guy’s lips moved, singing the lyrics of the song in silence, he realized Jun’s gaze and smiled at him. 

“Nostalgic song, isn’t it?” 

“You’re right,” Jun replied. 

He spotted something on Ninomiya’s expression, it was more than just a nostalgic feeling towards the old song, there was something else pictured on his handsome face. Jun knew that expression since he felt the very same thing right now – a longing for Sho’s presence. 

“Sorry, for daydreaming,” Ninomiya mumbled. He slid out his laptop from his hand bag, opened it and turned it on. “Let’s get back to where we were.” 

Jun sipped his caffe latte again and nodded. He hoped that girl on stage would sing another song; he needed something happier to boost his gloomy mood. 

“I made it upon your request, feel free to give me some input,” Ninomiya handed the laptop to Jun. The latter looked at the concept; Ninomiya had made the details for the party, the illustrations pictured clearly what kind of party they would have. It would be a party outside with real Sakura as the background, the lighting would be fake candles along the altar, there would be live music as the back sound. 

Ninomiya had chosen the soft purple as the basic color of the decoration in order to match it with the Sakura. He also made an illustration where Jun and Sho would be standing. Jun felt a pang on his chest; he looked at his own illustration, standing side by side with Sho, somehow it overwhelmed him. 

“What do you think?” Ninomiya asked. 

Jun confusedly turned at the man, “Oh, I think it’s perfect, I…thank you,” he stammered. “I’ll email it to Sho kun,” he added. 

“If he comes home, maybe we can meet again, just to make sure that he’s happy with the concept,” Ninomiya said.

“You’re right,” Jun nodded, still imagining the illustration. He didn’t know why such a picture could turn his emotion up and down. He accidently returned the computer to desktop mode and saw the wallpaper; a little boy was smiling to the camera; his hands were holding a little fake wand. 

"My son," Ninomiya mumbled as he realized what Jun was gazing at. 

"You have a son?" Jun asked surprisingly. He couldn't imagine Ninomiya having a kid at home – this kind of guy was a parent?   
"Five years old," Ninomiya said. “He talks all the time, do you like kids?"

Jun thought for a while before answering. He couldn't categorize himself as a person who loved kids. He never paid attention to any kids and sometimes he thought that they were just too noisy. 

"I don't know," Jun said. "I never really think about it."

The thought of taking care of a kid scared him all of a sudden. What if Sho expected them to have one after getting married? It should be a nice idea if only Jun didn’t have a shop to run, but he loved his job and so did Sho, none of them would give up their job for something like having a kid. 

"So, if you like the concept, can we assume that we would use this one?" 

Ninomiya’s voice heard, but it echoed in Jun’s ears as if the man was trying to talk to him from a distance cliff. 

Jun nodded and asked the man to email the concept to him. 

“I got it,” Ninomiya said. He took the laptop back and opened his mail. Jun unconsciously paid attention at the man’s fingers, they were short and cute. He remembered Ohno’s – that man possessed long beautiful fingers, somehow the thought amused him. What made him think that way right now? 

"I’ve sent the email," he said. "Call me if you want to talk more about it."

Jun went back home with heavy steps, despite seeing the half-finished concept. Was it because of the song he heard? Was it because of the longing expression on Ninomiya’s face? Was it because Sho hadn’t replied to his email? 

He sighed deeply, hoping to have brighter days ahead. 

*** 

Sho was having breakfast when he received Jun's email – plain yogurt, toasted bread with honey and an omelet. Breakfast was his favorite time, good breakfast meant good day. He was also a coffee addict, he never missed drinking local coffee during his stay. The Hawaiian coffee he was drinking was delicious and he planned to buy them for souvenirs. He scrolled his phone and almost choked when he read the name Jun mentioned in his email.

\--Ninomiya Kazunari--

The name echoed in Sho's ears as if someone had mentioned it over and over again. He put down the knife and fork, losing his appetite all of a sudden. His heart pounded in an unpleasant way, it couldn't be the same Ninomiya Kazunari. There were a lot of Japanese went by that name, his Nino must not the only one. 

“Sho chan, can I have it?”

There was Nino who drank his untouched coffee, there was Nino by the window, staring at the blue sky, there was Nino waiting for him under the Christmas tree, shivering from the cold. 

He tried to stop thinking about the past he shared with Nino, but the memories rushed into his head like a sudden wave. He couldn’t do anything to block it. 

Nino's smile when they held each other's hands in a crowded street, Nino's sleeping face when he dozed off on Sho's lap. Nino's angry face when Sho was late for their date, Nino's silent good-bye which broke his heart into pieces.

Sho returned to his hotel bedroom, he headed towards the desk at the corner and sat down on the chair, burying his face into his palms. It felt like a joke to him for finding Nino’s name in Jun’s email. Why now? After years of endless loneliness? Did Nino do it on purpose? To punish him? To destroy his life once again? 

He felt a wave of guilty towards Jun; he had left everything for their wedding in Jun’s hands. He couldn’t tell Jun that he was scared of their future because he still attached to Nino. He imagined Jun’s smile which was way too lovely, too sincere, too pure that he didn’t want to tell him the truth which could take that smile away. He had tried very hard to have a new start with Jun – the one who saved his broken soul – yet Sho couldn’t do anything in return to make Jun happy. 

Sho opened his eyes, slid out his phone from his pocket and read Jun’s email once again. He couldn’t bring himself to reply to it; not when the memories of Nino overwhelmed him, flooded his mind. He didn’t even sure that Nino was the same with the one who broke his heart, but something told him that was the real Nino he had been missing for years. 

***  
The flight from Honolulu to Tokyo was smooth with only little turbulences. Sho and the co-pilot landed the plane safely at Haneda airport. The usual atmosphere welcomed Sho and his crew as they disembarked the plane, heading towards the arrival hall with their luggage. Sho glanced at his watch; it was barely eight in the morning, he needed a very long and good sleep today. 

He didn’t tell Jun to pick him up at the airport since he felt that he wasn’t ready to meet Jun at the moment. His mind was still clouded by the sudden mention of Nino’s name in Jun’s last email. He would contact Jun later on when he was calm enough to do so. He walked together with the other flight crew towards the bus which would take them to the hotel. 

Sho didn’t even have any guts to turn his phone on; he was afraid of what was waiting for him. What if Jun had given his phone number to Nino? What if Nino suddenly appears on his doorstep? What if Nino had told Jun that they were together? He would never be able to explain to Jun – not when they were going to get married. Jun would hate him for that. 

Sho slept almost immediately when he lay his head down on the pillow. He didn’t know how long had he been sleeping when the phone on the side table rang loudly. As far as he remembered, he didn’t tell the hotel staff to wake him up. 

“Hello,” he murmured. 

“Sakurai san, we got a phone call from Mr. Matsumoto Jun, he asked whether you’re staying here.” 

Jun 

“Thank you, I’ll call him back,” Sho said while putting down the phone. 

Jun had known that this hotel was the corporate company with the airlines, it made sense that he called this hotel to make sure that Sho had arrived safely. He must have been aware of Sho’s schedule. Sho switched on his phone, not daring to imagine what would welcome him. He dialed Jun’s number and waited for merely ten seconds, he was about to say ‘hello’ but Jun spoke immediately as he picked up the phone. 

"Sho, where are you? I've been waiting for you at the arrival hall."

"Jun, are you at the airport?"

"Where else I could be?" Jun asked with the coldest tone he could make.

"I thought that you didn’t come there.” 

"I thought that your plane had swum in the pacific," Jun said.

Sho's heart sped up, it had been forever since he and Jun fought and it was the last thing he wanted right now. He rose off of the bed and ruffled his hair confusedly.

"Jun, I'm so sorry, I...."

Jun hung up without saying anything; Sho tried to reach him but the busy tone answered him. The sleepy feeling had gone; he washed his face, changed his clothes and went out of the room. He thought of going back to the airport, but Jun probably already left the place. He decided to go to Jun’s shop; the most reasonable place where Jun would be. 

He stopped a cab and mentioned Jun’s address; the miscommunication between them was stupid, Sho thought. Jun usually didn’t pick him up at the airport if he didn’t ask him to. He had told Jun many times that he didn’t need to come to the airport every time he came back since it was a bother and Sho’s international flight was always in the weird time. 

Aiba was the one who welcomed him when he entered the shop.

"Sho kun, what a surprise, where is Matsujun?"

"Er..., I was about to ask the same thing," Sho mumbled, sitting down in the nearest chair.

"He hasn't come yet," Aiba shrugged. "Do you want some coffee?" 

"Yes, please," Sho replied. 

He grabbed his phone and tried to give Jun a call again, but the same busy tone was heard. Irritated, Sho inserted his phone back to his pocket and waited for his coffee.

"Here it is," Aiba put down the cup in front of him. "Didn't Jun pick you up to the airport?"

Sho nodded while sipping the hot coffee. "There was a little bit miscommunication.” 

Aiba grinned but didn't say anything in return which made Sho relief since he didn’t want to talk about it right now. Aiba mumbled that he had to prepare the dough and left Sho alone at the table.

Sho finished the coffee in no time; he hadn’t had any breakfast and now he realized how hungry he was. An hour had passed, but no sign of Jun coming back, he was about to give up and wait for Jun at their apartment when the man entered. 

He pretended that he didn’t see Sho and walked straightly to the back of the shop. Sho rose off of the chair and chased him, he almost bumped Nakajima at the doorstep. He apologized quickly and chased Jun to the back of the shop. 

Jun was fastening the apron on his waist when Sho entered the cramped locker room. 

“Jun, I’m sorry,” was all he could say. 

Jun avoided his gaze on purpose; he clipped his bang and walked towards the door, passing Sho as if he wasn’t there.   
“We can talk later, you’re tired, aren’t you?” Jun said coldly. 

“I should have told you beforehand that you don’t need to come to the airport.” 

“Yeah, you should have,” Jun replied. “You’d better go back to the hotel and resume your sleep.” 

“Jun, I am really sorry.” 

“I forgive you, now would you let me go back to work?” Jun impatiently said. 

Jun’s tone was as cold as an ice and probably it wasn’t the right time to talk to him. He gave up and left the man, this wasn’t the scene he imagined when he was on his flight to Tokyo. He wanted a nice long talk with Jun about their upcoming wedding instead of a stupid fight. However, he reminded himself that he was the one to be blamed for it. 

He didn’t really pay attention to where he was going; it reminded him of the day when he searched for Nino five years ago and found out that Nino wasn’t there anymore. It was close to a lunch break when he reached the street which full of restaurants and gift shops. He entered a hamburger restaurant eventually and sat at the seat on the corner. He had just realized that it was the same restaurant where he and Nino had a very late supper. 

He mentioned his order to the waiter and waited while paying attention to the other people. He had never been here with Jun; it didn’t feel right if he dragged Jun to a place which full of memories of Nino. In the first six months after Nino disappearance, Sho came here a few times, hoping that he would find the man here by accident, but it never happened. 

Two or three people entered the restaurant; most of them were salary men. They sat close to Sho, mentioned their order and continued their talk about work. Sho heard something like the deadline, meeting or annoying client. He had never thought about how a salary man lived before this. All he knew was flight schedules, delayed flights, machine troubles or hard turbulences. 

If only he had chosen to become a salary man back then, perhaps Nino would have never left him, they would have a simple life in a small apartment with one or two kids. 

“Your order, Sir,” the waiter came and put the hamburger in front of Sho. 

The taste of the hamburger was exactly the same with what he had a few years ago; the uninvited memories flooded his mind again – leaving him with the blue feeling. 

“There is one seat available on the corner, if you don’t mind sharing,” Sho heard the waiter talked to someone. 

“I don’t mind at all,” a voice answered and somehow it was familiar to Sho’s ears. Sho had read a book about how the human brain could make an illusion if they think too hard about it and probably he was experiencing one at the moment. 

“The usual one, please,” the same voice continued. 

Sho heard footsteps and somebody approached his table. He lifted his head and what he saw was enough to stop his heartbeat. He felt as if someone had covered his nose to prevent him from breathing. It couldn’t be – he must have been dreaming. 

The man in front of him was Nino, the real flesh and blood. He wasn't changed at all; except his hairstyle. Nino let them grow a little bit longer and made it curly on its end. He wore a nice pink check shirt below his dark cardigan. 

“Oh,” that was all Nino said before pulling the chair and sat on it. 

Sho still looked at him as if the man before him would be disappearing if he dared to blink. 

“Do you mind if I sit here? There’s no place available for me this time,” Nino or the person who looked exactly like Nino said.   
“Nino,” Sho mentioned the name, “you’re Nino, my Nino?” 

He smiled and nodded. “I am.” 

Sho gulped, half of him wished that this man would have said no. 

“How are you, Sho kun?” 

The way Nino talked was casual, none of his expression showed that they were apart for more than five years. He talked like someone who went to another town the day before and had just come back. The innocence hit Sho like a strong wave; he couldn’t reply to that question, he wanted to ask a thousand questions to this person. He wanted to hear an explanation on why Nino left without any words and he wanted to know why he re-appeared now without any warning at all. 

“Nino,” Sho repeated again. 

But, before Nino answered, Sho’s phone rang and Aiba’s name appeared on the screen. He picked it up and Aiba’s panic voice was heard. 

“Sho kun, Matsujun collapsed, we are heading the hospital now.” 

“What?!” Sho couldn’t catch it up. Jun was okay and he seemed strong enough to kick Sho out of his shop this morning. He rose off of his chair and looked at Nino with a heavy heart, he had just found him, but Sho had to go – for Jun.

“I’m sorry, I have to go,” Sho mumbled. 

“We’ll meet again,” Nino said with a slight smile on his lips. 

Sho couldn’t comment on that. He left the restaurant after paying the bill; he caught the cab towards the hospital where Aiba mentioned before. Today felt too much longer than usual; the meeting with Nino seemed unreal and perhaps it was just his hallucination because he was too exhausted after a long flight and lack of sleep. 

He ran to the hospital lobby and asked Jun’s name to the reception. He stepped towards the corridor on the right wing and found Aiba outside of the room. He approached Sho as he reached the door. 

“How is he?” Sho asked. 

“High fever, dehydration,” Aiba said. 

I’m a moron, Sho thought, he should have paid more attention to Jun, he should have known that Jun wasn’t feeling well, why he always disappoint someone he loved?

“Can I come in?” 

Aiba nodded and opened the door for him. Jun was fast asleep; his chest rose and fell along with the rhythm of his breaths. He forced himself to go to the airport, regardless that he had a high fever and found Sho wasn’t there. 

Sho extended his hand to caress Jun’s cheek which burn under his touch. He felt a strong grip in his chest, he couldn’t think straight at the moment. He kept on caressing Jun’s skin and rested his head on the edge of the bed. 

What had he done to Jun? There was a point when Sho wanted to leave Jun, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it for real. He loved Jun – yes he loved the man, but it was some kind of different. Something he couldn’t name and he hated himself for being a coward that he never be able to talk properly with Jun. 

He looked at Jun’s sleeping face; he had never really paid attention to Jun’s innocence side. He never really realized that he was very lucky for having Jun by his side; he should have been happy if only he could get over Nino. 

Nino

That name had been crafted inside his heart – too deep that he couldn’t erase it. Nino was here at the very same city with them and he was probably the wedding organizer Jun had mentioned. Sho couldn’t grab the whole situation; he wished that he weren’t himself at the moment. He wished that he could be someone else – anyone would do. He leaned his head again on the edge of the bed while gripping Jun’s hand and dozing off in no time. 

To be continued


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A semi long distance relationship was never a problem for Jun and Sho, they trusted each other and managed to live the same path. However, the sudden appearance of Ninomiya and Ohno had affected Jun’s decision.  
> Warning : Bad English, no beta

It was already dark outside when Jun finally woke up; his head was dizzy as hell. There was no clock inside that room which he recognized was a hospital room, so he had no idea how long had he been sleeping. He slowly lifted his head from the pillow and looked around; he had never been hospitalized before and he never liked the nuance in the hospital (well, who does?). He tried to remember what happened, he picked Sho at the airport, he returned to his shop with a great headache and a sudden increase of the temperature of his body. He remembered Aiba approached him panicky as he fell down to the floor. 

He had just realized that he was hungry.

The door opened, revealing Sho who brought a plastic bag in his right hand. "Jun, you're awake," he said with a smile on his lips. He put down the bag on the side table and pulled a chair towards him, “I bought your favorite food.” 

Sho reached the bag, sliding out the curry box from it, preparing the spoon and gesturing that he wanted to feed Jun.

“I can do it by myself, Sho,” he took the curry from Sho’s hand, ignoring the man’s disappointment. 

"Are you still mad at me?"

Jun shook his head.

"I just don't want to talk with you right now, my head is dizzy like hell."

“Alright,” Sho mumbled a reply. He looked tired and sleepless, but Jun wasn’t in the state to put a pity on him right now. 

“I’d better wait outside,” he continued. 

“You’d better go home,” Jun said, looking at Sho’s sleepy eyes, “get some sleep.” 

“I’ll use the hospital’s guest room,” Sho said, walking towards the door with unsteady steps. Jun felt a wave of guilty for driving Sho away, but he was still mad at the man and fighting at this state was the last thing he wanted. He knew that Sho must have been worried about him, but somehow he didn’t want to see Sho, half of him wished that the man would have delayed his departure from Hawaii. 

The room fell into an odd silence as Sho left. Jun ate the curry and stopped half-way, he barely tasted it due to his numb tongue, he drank a glass of water and leaned his head on the pillow. The headache seemed reluctant to leave anytime soon, so he gave up and closed his eyes again.  
Jun was about to doze off when he heard the door fluttered open. 

"I told you that I don't want to see you right now," Jun said without even opening his lids. 

"Whoa, sorry about that," a voice answered which definitely didn’t belong to Sho. 

"Ohno san,” Jun mumbled, feeling so embarrassed. 

"I went to your shop and Aiba san told me that you are hospitalized. I was worried, so I came," the man said, smiling softly. He put down the flowers he was carrying into the empty vase on the table and pulled the chair which Sho had left closer to Jun. 

"Thank you for coming, I'm alright," Jun said, lifting his head off the pillow, the action had made it even more hurt than before.

"If you’re alright, you wouldn’t be here," Ohno stated, extending his hand to touch Jun’s forehead. “You’re burning.” 

It was just an ordinary touch, but Jun didn’t get used to someone else’s touch other than Sho. Somehow, he wanted to jerk away, but he couldn’t, he let Ohno examine him, even almost caressed his cheek in a gentle way. 

"You had curry,” Ohno noticed the half-finished curry on the side table, “I love curry, too," Ohno added. "I even cook it by myself, sometimes.” 

"You still have time to cook?" Jun asked, glad that Ohno finally moved his hand away from his face. 

"I'm not that busy, of course, I still have to cook," he winked.

"So, would you bring me some?"

"Curry?"

"Yuph," Jun said.

"Sure, but only if you’re in a good shape, I bet you can’t taste anything right now."

Sho hated cooking, he even couldn’t cook something instant for himself. He had tried to make curry for Jun when he was too tired to cook for dinner and it ended up with war-zone-like kitchen and almost burnt house. Sho had never stepped into the kitchen ever since. 

“It’s a coincidence that we love the same food,” Jun said. 

Ohno gave him a little nod while digging into his tote bag and sliding out a book from inside. 

"I often read for my sister when she was sick, she always told me that book could make her feel better," the man said. "She suffered from asthma when she was a kid."

"I'm sorry," Jun muttered.

"She's okay now," Ohno smiled and opened the book he was carrying. It was Murakami Haruki's novel - Kafka on the Shore.

"Have you read it?"

Jun shook his head.

Ohno started reading and because he was good in making funny faces, Jun was too busy laughing and didn't pay attention to the storyline. When Ohno stopped at the second chapter, Jun's eyes were teary.

"You're so funny," Jun said.

"Oh, thank you," Ohno said, bowing his head jokingly.

"This is my first time to be hospitalized," Jun said, touching the infusion needle in his left hand. "I prefer my own bed, it's so frustrating. Have you been hospitalized?"

Ohno needed a good ten seconds before giving an answer. "When I was a kid, my foot wounded so bad from a bicycle accident, I got a few stitches. I stayed for half-day before the doctor let me leave the hospital."

"You can't call it hospitalized," Jun grinned.

"It depends on," Ohno shrugged. "For my little brain, it was hospitalized."

Jun chuckled and took the novel from Ohno's hand. "May I borrow it?"

"Sure."

Jun flipped the pages, he had never really read novels. The only book he had read seriously was Japanese History and that was because of the final test when he was still in high school.

"The character you played," Jun said, remembering the stage play he had watched with Sho a few weeks ago, "was Toyotomi Hideyoshi*."

Ohno nodded. "My favorite character so far."

"I'm looking forward to your next stage play," Jun said. "Maybe aside from a historical character."

"Like what?"

"A porn star."

Ohno laughed for real this time, his laughter was something Jun never heard before. It warmed him in some way. He still grinned widely at Jun for some times while talking about his experience in playing the role he didn't really like.

They continued talking with the random topic until the nurse came to the room and reminded Ohno that the visiting time had over.

“Time flies,” Ohno glanced at his watch, “get well soon, Jun kun.” 

Jun almost flinched as he heard Ohno mentioned his given name. Was that on purpose or Ohno forgotten that they had just known each other?

"Thank you for coming," Jun said, smiling at Ohno. The man grabbed his tote bag and shouldered it. He gave Jun a shady look once again before leaving the room. 

Jun watched him disappeared beyond the door and let the weird feeling rushed into his heart. Ohno had visited him and he had laughed together with him, not mentioning that he needed some sleep and he still had a terrible headache. He closed his eyes, trying to forget Ohno’s laughter which echoed inside his ears. 

***  
When Jun woke up the next morning, he found Sho was sound asleep on the couch across from his bed. His face was half hidden by the jacket he used as a blanket. He looked at the man with a bunch of guilty; they should have enjoyed happier days if only he didn’t act like a selfish kid. 

The headache was gone and his temperature wasn’t as high as yesterday. Jun lifted his head from the pillow and sat down; he looked at Sho’s face and realized that he had missed the man very much. The miscommunication between them wasn’t Sho’s fault, it was his from the beginning.

Sho stirred and opened his eyes as if knowing that Jun was looking at him. He gave Jun a weak smile. 

“Morning,” Sho murmured, raising from the sofa and approaching Jun’s bed. 

“Sho, I’m sorry for yesterday,” Jun said. 

Sho shook his head, he sat down at the chair and examining Jun’s temperature like what Ohno did yesterday. 

"You're getting better," he said. 

“I can’t wait to leave this place,” Jun spread his sight around the room, he missed his own bed too much. 

Sho nodded and leaned closer to kiss him on his forehead. 

“I’m sorry,” he said while puling Jun closer to him. The latter couldn’t analyze what was that sorry referred to; was it because Sho didn’t reply his email? Was it because he switched off his phone and had Jun wait for nearly three hours at the airport? Was that because he left the wedding in Jun’s hand? 

Sho’s hand caressed his hair softly and let Jun rest on his chest a little while until the doctor came to examine him. 

The doctor permitted him to leave the hospital in the afternoon and gave him a prescription for medicine. Jun thanked her, so did Sho. 

Aiba came to bring them lunch and to help Jun packing things, even though there was not much of it and ignored Jun’s protest that he didn’t need to come. 

"I don't know that you read Murakami's work," Aiba commented as he found the book under Jun’s pillow. 

"Oh, that..." Jun hesitated. He didn't tell Sho that Ohno came to see him yesterday. He couldn't bring himself to the conversation anyway. He took the book and inserted it into the tote bag that Aiba brought for him. 

Sho was ready at the hospital lobby with Jun’s car as he and Aiba exited the front door. Both of them got in the car, fastened their seat belt and left the hospital. Jun leaned his head to the seat; he only spent a night in the hospital but it felt far longer than that. 

“Are you okay?” Sho asked. 

He nodded and closed his eyes along the way. 

***  
Jun slept right away as they reached the apartment. Sho had taken care of Jun’s belongings, sent Aiba to the shop and ordered dinner. It was already dark outside when Jun opened his eyes; he climbed down his bed and walked towards the living room. Sho was reading a thick book while listening to music through the headphone. 

Jun sat down beside him and rested his head on Sho’s shoulder. The man put down the book on the table and turned off the music on his portable player. 

“Are you hungry?” he asked. 

“A little bit,” Jun answered. 

“You slept like a baby,” Sho commented. “I rarely saw you at that state.” 

“It’s because you always sleep earlier than I do,” Jun mumbled. 

He moved his head to Sho’s lap instead; his head softly brushed Jun’s hair. 

“Sho, when will we meet Ninomiya san?” Jun asked. 

Sho paused his movement in brushing Jun’s hair; he kept silence for mere seconds before murmuring that it wasn’t necessary to meet Ninomiya since Jun already met him and talked about detail with the man. 

“The wedding must be decided by both of us, you and me,” Jun said, lifting his head from Sho’s lap. 

“I know,” Sho said, taking both of Jun’s hand and squishing them softly. “I trust you, Jun.” 

Sho seemed upset by the topic; he rose off of the sofa and headed the kitchen, telling Jun that he had ordered pizza for their dinner. Jun thought that maybe Sho was just like him, having a slight wedding blue syndrome and avoided the topic as much as he could. However, Sho was the one who brought the talk about the wedding when they were ready to go to bed. 

“Jun, let’s move to Italy after we got married,” Sho said, calm enough as if moving to another country was as simple as that. 

Jun couldn’t digest what Sho said for a couple of minutes. The odd silence drifted above them, he found Sho’s eyes which were looking right at him. 

“There’s much time to think,” Sho continued. “You can learn patisserie thing better in Italy, we can travel Europe and…”

“Sho,” Jun cut him. “I never mentioned that I want to move.”

“I know,” Sho said softly, rather begging. “But please think about it. I’ve just gotten an offer from the European Airlines to work for them and I think it’s a good chance.” 

“What about my shop?” Jun asked. “I can’t leave it. I can’t start all over again in a foreign country where I know no one,” Jun continued, trying to keep his voice in a normal tone. 

“I don’t need a prompt reply,” Sho said. 

Jun didn’t answer, he closed his eyes and imagined his life in a completely foreign country. Sho never mentioned about the offer from the European Airlines – maybe he had said once that he wanted to work outside of Japan, but Jun thought that he was only joking. 

“Good night,” Jun heard Sho’s voice. That night, Jun needed longer time than usual to fall asleep.  
***  
Jun argued that he was strong enough to work the next day, ignoring Sho’s lecture that he should stay in bed at least for three days. Staying at home had made Jun even more agony; after a long argument and a compromising promise that he would be back home if he felt unwell – finally Sho gave up. 

Sho sent him to the shop by car, telling Jun not to work too hard and saying that he would pick him up by six in the evening. 

“I got it,” Jun sighed, giving Sho an irritating look before he alighting the car. 

He walked towards the shop entrance while sliding out his phone from his jeans pocket and found a message from an unknown number. He clicked it open and read it: 

Jun, how are you today? Have you returned to the shop? Can’t wait to eat your cake again.

Ohno

How did Ohno find his phone number? Did he get it from Sho or maybe Aiba? 

Confused, Jun had no idea how to reply to Ohno’s message. He inserted the phone back to his pocket and entered the shop. Aiba was busily finishing a big birthday cake when Jun got there. The taller man gave him a broad smile. 

“Matsujun!” he beamed, “I thought the doctor told you to take a proper rest for three days.” 

“I’m bored to death at home,” Jun mumbled, offering Aiba a smile. “Don’t worry, I’m strong enough this time.” 

Aiba nodded understandingly and told him about the order they had gotten during Jun’s absence. 

“Ninomiya came here yesterday,” Aiba said. 

“Ninomiya? I didn’t make any appointment,” Jun replied. 

“He just bought a few cakes and left,” Aiba shrugged. “By the way, when will Sho kun depart again?” Aiba asked.

“Next two days,” Jun answered. He eventually recalled Sho’s idea of moving to Italy – what would Aiba say if Jun agreed to that? 

“Any progress on your wedding plan? I mean you have more spare time to talk to Sho kun when he’s at home.” 

Jun shook his head. “He doesn’t want to talk about it.” 

“Why?” 

Jun shrugged. 

“Wedding blue syndrome,” Aiba murmured unclearly. 

Jun couldn’t guess what was in Sho’s mind about the wedding. They literally didn’t talk about it. He began to feel uncertain; Sho was clearly hiding something which he couldn’t mention and Jun hated this feeling. He needed a vacation from all this chaotic thought – a complete distraction which could make him forget about the wedding stuff. 

He tried to concentrate on his chocolate roll and put aside his worrisome for a while. The cake he was making was another original recipe; he proudly looked at it when it finished. 

“Matsujun, your special guest has come,” Aiba whispered to him as the man returned from the front part of the shop. 

Jun gave him a questioning gaze and peered through the glass wall and spotted Ohno’s figure who was standing in front of the shelf, choosing the cakes he wanted to buy. Jun’s thought went to Ohno’s message that he hadn’t replied yet; he bit his lower lip, considering whether it was better to pretend that he wasn’t here. 

“He’s been waiting for you,” Aiba said, patting his shoulder. 

Jun took a long deep breath before walking from the kitchen, still on his apron. He approached the man who immediately realized his presence. Ohno wore a nice duffle coat and a pair of boots today – so much different compared to the last time Jun met him. He looked rather fashionable this time. 

“Welcome,” Jun greeted him. 

Ohno smiled broadly at him, “Jun kun,” he said with a sparkling face, “Are you strong enough to work? You still look pale,” the man continued. 

“I’m fine, thanks for your concern,” Jun replied. He was still awkward with the way Ohno called him as ‘Jun kun’. It sounded unfamiliar in his ears. 

“I really want to have a breakfast here,” Ohno said, giving Jun a stern look. “Not mentioning it’s already close to lunch time, and I missed you.”  
Jun had no idea how to reply to that statement, he always felt this way when he talked with Ohno. The actor seemed to know that he was confused because he left Jun towards the nearest table, letting Jun stand there like a stupid. 

“I…tried something new, er- maybe you can taste it,” he mumbled unclearly, leaving Ohno towards the kitchen. 

He thought that by meeting Ohno a few times, he would be able to have a normal talk with the artist; like what he did with Aiba. But he was wrong, Ohno had made him awkward – something that he hadn’t felt for years. He shook his head; he couldn’t think this way about Ohno – it was just a mere admiration towards the actor – that was it. 

“Matsujun,” Aiba called. “Don’t you think there’s something fishy about that Ohno san?” 

“Like what?” he asked, even though he already knew what Aiba was going to say. 

“He flirts with you,” Aiba said. “I think he likes you in that way.” 

“No way, Aiba,” Jun waved his hand, “he’s Sho’s best friend and he knew that we’re going to get married.” 

“It doesn’t stop him, I presume,” Aiba shrugged. 

“He can’t do anything either,” Jun replied as he putting the cake on the tray, “That’s his right to put a liking on me, I can’t forbid him to do such thing,” he couldn’t believe his own words – what if Ohno liked him for real? 

Jun lifted the tray and returned to Ohno who was checking something on his phone. 

“I’m sorry to keep you waiting,” Jun put down cake and cup of coffee in front of Ohno. He was about to leave when Ohno took his wrist.  
He looked at their intertwined hands and moved his gaze to Ohno’s face. The actor’s childish expression had prevented him from pulling his hand away from Ohno’s grip. 

“Would you come to my next stage play?” he asked. “It’s not a historical one,” he added. 

Jun knew that Ohno would pursue him to come even if he made excuses. 

“When?” he asked, hoping that Ohno would loosen his grip on his wrist. 

“Next two days, at 7 pm.” 

That would be the day Sho left for his flight to Los Angeles, Jun thought. 

“Er-, I’ll think about it,” Jun said. He was relief that finally Ohno lets go of his hand. The actor offered an innocent smile as he nodded confidently. 

“I’ll be waiting.” 

Jun wished the man a good day and returned towards the kitchen. He slumped on the chair and looked blankly on the wall across from him. It had been three years since he had a semi-long distance relationship and he never considered himself as a lonely person. On the opposite, waiting for Sho’s return was something he had been enjoying. However, Ohno’s presence had shown him how lonely he was. He hated to admit it, but now the loneliness which he had been hiding appeared at the back of his mind, gripping him tightly. 

“Are you okay?” Aiba approached him with a worrisome in his face. 

“No, I’m just…” Jun shook his head again. “I’m fine.” 

He stayed still for a couple of minutes and returned to his work. Ohno had gone when he peeked through the kitchen door and it made Jun somehow relief but also disappointed at the same time. 

It was still five in the afternoon when Sho showed up with six cans of beer inside the plastic bag he was carrying. He entered the kitchen and handed the plastic bag to Aiba’s hand. 

“My gratitude for taking care of Matsujun,” he told Aiba. 

“Thank you,” Aiba took the bag and stored the beers inside the fridge. 

“Want to taste it?” Jun took the chocolate roll he had just finished and feed it to Sho. 

“Matsujun, you got a guest again,” Aiba’s head peeked from the door. Jun wondered whether Ohno had returned again to buy some cakes as an excuse to visit him. He rose off of the chair and walked outside, Sho followed behind him. 

“Good evening, Matsumoto san, Sakurai san,” Ninomiya’s figure was standing before him, looking fresh on his green jacket.  
Jun bowed shortly at the man; not realizing that Sho froze behind him. 

*Toyotomi Hideyoshi was a Samurai during Azuchi Momoyama period who succeeded his former lord, Oda Nobunaga. He built Osaka Castle as well.

To be continued


	7. Kanawanai Yakusoku Chapter 7

Sho had never imagined that he would meet Nino in this kind of situation. It was unreal for him; finding the man he had been missing forever stood before him inside Jun’s shop – smiling sincerely as if nothing had happened. He wanted to embrace the guy to pour his longing, to tell him how much had he been suffering, to let Nino know how much sorrow had he been enduring since the day he left him. 

“Please take a seat,” Jun told Nino whose eyes fixed on Sho. 

“Thanks,” he replied, averting his gaze away. “I heard from Aiba kun that you’re not well, are you okay?” 

“I’m fine, thank you for your concern,” Jun flashed a smile to Nino and turned his head to Sho, “It’s a coincidence that my boyfriend is here, we can talk about the wedding plan then.” 

Sho tried to smile, but his lips were stiff, he wanted to run away from here; from this awkward moment. 

“Sho, this is Ninomiya san I’ve mentioned,” Jun said, gesturing to Sho to get closer. “Ninomiya san, this is Sho.” 

Both of them looked at each other awkwardly, but Nino managed to shake Sho’s hand, “Nice to meet you,” he said.

Sho didn’t answer, what was it? This was probably the most stupid thing he had ever faced. Jun gestured to them to sit down meanwhile he disappeared to the kitchen to take some cakes for them. Sho looked at Nino; he should say something now, but what? He couldn’t bring himself to speak, his tongue glued to his mouth, all he could do was staring at the man across from him. 

“What a nice person," Nino said, referring to Jun.

He waited for Sho to say something, but the latter seemed to lose his ability to speak. 

“You gained weight,” Nino continued. 

“Lack of sport,” Sho finally answered, not knowing if that even a proper topic for them to talk about right now.   
Nino released a soft chuckle which made all the butterflies from Sho’s stomach flew away. He couldn’t help it, he was ready to pass out from awkwardness. 

“Why did you leave?” Sho asked in a tiny voice, trying to keep his expression neutral. 

Nino gave him a soft smile, but he didn’t answer his question. 

“He doesn’t know about us?” Nino asked him back instead of answering. 

“I never told him.” 

“Why?” 

"I don't know," Sho answered. "I can't bring myself to the conversation about someone who left me just like that, breaking my heart and not caring that I almost die from loneliness."

“Sho chan,” Nino extended his hand but stopped in the air. 

Don’t call me by that name, Sho screamed inside his heart. What he had with Nino was the past; they couldn’t take it back now when it was too late. 

But… 

He wished he could hold those fingers once again, just to make sure that they were real. Nino’s hand was so close with Sho’s; it lay innocently on the table, inviting him to grab it. Those fingers used to brush his hair, used to caress his skin, used to hold him tightly. It was getting worse; he would lose his guard anytime soon. 

“Sho, can you help me with the tray?” Jun called him from the kitchen. 

Sho rose off of the chair, feeling relief that he had a reason to stay away from Nino – at least for mere seconds. He brought the tray with the drink and let Jun walked ahead of him, he put the coffee cup in front of Nino and gestured to him to enjoy it. Jun had put the chocolate rolls on the center of the table and took a seat in front of Nino. It meant he didn’t need to look at Nino’s face for all time. 

Jun and Nino talked about the details of the wedding, but Sho was half-listening. His mind couldn’t grab their conversation properly – it was not happening to him, not when he was going to get married to Jun. 

“This hotel will do,” Jun said, pointing at the choice Nino gave him. "I want dark red cloth for the decoration at the front tables, what do you think, Sho?"

Sho’s mind was still drifting away to the memories when he and Nino walked the city aimlessly on one of the hottest nights in the summer. 

"Sho?" Jun called him again.

"I think dark red is good," he answered confusedly.

"Alright," Nino nodded and made a note on his I-pad. 

The talk about the wedding seemed to go on forever, but Sho almost didn’t listen to half of it. He didn’t know what he should do and he even wasn’t sure about the wedding anymore. He was almost ready in giving up on Nino and welcomed his future with Jun, but with the sudden appearance of Nino had damaged the commitment he had built. 

He didn’t speak a word along the way home to the apartment from Jun’s shop. Jun seemed tired either and slept immediately as he leaned his head against the seat. It was only about the time before Jun found out that Sho and Nino were together. Maybe it was the right time to tell him the truth, but Sho didn’t know where to start or what to say. 

***   
Summer had come and the hot days began. Nino’s favorite time was still the same, hunting for the late supper – at least Sho didn’t need to freeze from the cold wind this time. 

“You’ll gain weight if you keep on doing this,” Sho complained as they finished the beef hamburger in a big portion.

“I don’t gain weight that easily,” Nino answered, leading the way towards the side walk while yawning deeply.

“Let’s take a walk.” 

“This late?” Sho glanced at his watch, “you have an early shift tomorrow, aren’t you?” 

“Oh, come on, Sho chan, I feel like walking tonight,” Nino approached him and grabbed his wrist. 

They walked aimlessly around the city, holding hands. It was Friday night where the street was smeared by the half-drunken people and smoking teenagers. Nino held Sho’s elbow tightly as they walked, passing the city park which was full of couples. It was past midnight when Nino finally slumped tiredly on the bench in front of the closed souvenirs shop. 

“Let’s go home,” Nino mumbled. 

“You’re really troubling me,” Sho slumped beside the guy and leaned his head on the iron bench, looking up towards the dark sky. 

Nino shifted closer and rested his head on Sho’s shoulder; both of them looked at the dark sky with their own thoughts. It would be their last date before Sho started his first official flight. 

“Nino, are you awake?” Sho mumbled. 

“Mmmm,” Nino answered. 

Nino dozed off at the end and it was such an effort to wake him up when Sho finally could stop a cab to go back home. They spent the night at Nino’s place which had become too much messier during the summer. 

Nino’s hand circled his waist all night, ignoring the hot temperature inside the room. Sho held him back, feeling so content and comfort and hoping that the night would never end.   
***   
Sho was glad that Jun didn’t raise the topic about the wedding; they reached their apartment, took a quick shower and went to bed. Jun who was still under medication, slept right away after drinking his medicine. But, Sho couldn’t close his eyes, his mind was still in chaos. 

He slowly climbed down the bed and headed the living room. It was barely ten in the evening; he turned on the television, but none of the programs attracted his interest. He had run out of the books to read; how could he forget to buy some books today? That was when he found Jun’s tote bag beside the sofa. He peered inside it and took out a book from it – Murakami’s novel. 

He never knew that Jun liked Murakami; he even didn’t know that Jun read novels. His readings were all about patissier stuff or boring history books that Sho definitely would never touch. 

He flipped the pages and stopped as he found a name was written there; a name that shouldn’t be there. 

Ohno Satoshi’s property. 

Why was Ohno’s name written on Jun’s book? The only logic explanation was the book wasn’t Jun’s. But why? Did Jun meet Ohno on a regular basis when Sho wasn’t around? The uninvited thoughts sneaked into his heart – the scene where Jun and Ohno talked happily – where Ohno would lay a hand on Jun’s. 

“No way,” he whispered and put down the book on the table. He tried to think positively that maybe Jun borrowed the book from Ohno and forgot telling Sho about it. 

***   
Jun was working for the order of another wedding party when Sho departed for his next flight. It would be a whole week until Sho came back home and it meant their wedding day came closer. However, Jun couldn’t erase the feeling that there was something hanged above them – something unspoken and unknown; yet it was there. 

The Valentine day was approaching as well; Jun had completed his creation and he had gotten preorders from his loyal customers. Worked hard could help him suppressing the unnecessary anxiety which weighed him down. 

Aiba seemed to realize that Jun didn’t really want to talk about his upcoming wedding since the taller man rarely bragged him with questions. They mainly talked about other things, far from marriage topic and Jun was grateful for that. 

Ninomiya had sent him the design of the invitation card which Jun approved almost immediately. He didn’t discuss it with Sho because the man would probably do the same thing. He replied Ninomiya’s email and told him that it was okay to be printed. 

Jun found himself standing in the front of city hall on the second day after Sho’s departure. He didn’t really plan to come, but he couldn’t erase Ohno’s innocent smile out of his mind. He got the seat on the end row tonight since he bought the ticket at the last minute and was lucky that he still could get one. 

Ohno’s stage play was some kind of Broadway theater in the Japanese version. Ohno played a role of a singer who fell in love with a daughter of a high ranked official on their journey in a yacht, that was what Jun read on a flyer which he got along with the ticket. Ohno and his co-star were printed on the flyer as well – somehow Jun didn’t like it, Ohno looked way too handsome on it. 

Ohno appeared at the center of the stage; the spotlight lighted him. He wore a pair of black trousers, black leather shoes, white shirt, bowtie and a boater hat. He began to sing; his voice was too beautiful that Jun shivered on his seat. He never imagined that Ohno was good in singing; his voice fulfilled the room with romantic nuance as if he was able to turn the audiences breathless. 

The show went on; Ohno’s co-star – who apparently was a model looked way too tall for the actor. Jun had seen her before on the magazine cover when he bought a book at Kinokuniya. 

There was a kissing scene where Jun felt a pang of unpleasant sensation in his chest. Maybe because he knew Ohno in person that seeing him kissing was a bit weird or maybe it was because of Ohno’s expression. He enjoyed the scene – very naturally that it looked so realistic. Jun wondered if everyone made such face when they kissed – Sho didn’t, he thought sourly all of a sudden. 

The show ended with loud applause and various comments from the audiences. Ohno’s fan girls seemed jealous of the kissing scene, they bashed the actress and wished Ohno could work with a more talented one. Jun followed them towards the exit; listening to their conversation until they disappeared into the crowds. 

He brought his feet to the backstage in order to greet Ohno since he had made a promise to come and Ohno would probably glad to see him coming for real. 

Ohno was still busy unbuttoning his white shirt when Jun entered the dressing room. The actor took it off, revealing his muscled arms beneath it. Ohno was skinny, but he had nice muscles which made him look manly; he then put off the tank top and wiped his sweat with a small towel, that was when he realized Jun’s presence. 

“Jun kun,” he smiled widely at him. “Thank you for coming, did you enjoy the show?” 

“It was terrific,” Jun said sincerely. 

Ohno showed him another innocent smile, “Is Sho kun with you?” he asked. 

“No, he’s on his flight to Los Angeles by now,” Jun answered. 

“Los Angeles, huh,” Ohno replied, putting on his T-shirt and a jacket above it. “Do you have an hour or two for a drink?” 

“Sure,” Jun nodded; it had been a while since he went to a bar for a glass of cocktail and having a company would be better than going all alone. 

Ohno told him to wait since he needed to take his belongings to the locker room. Jun paid attention to his surroundings; he didn’t take a good view to this back stage on his last visit with Sho. His first impression of this place was messy, but everybody seemed to know where to find what. 

He couldn’t imagine if he had to work in this kind of environment; with endless rehearsals; different roles to play; pretended to someone else; kissed a girl he didn’t even know. Somehow – he admired Ohno for his mental strength.

His thoughts drifted to Sho; he had just realized that he never asked Sho the detail of his job; how he handled turbulence; how it felt to fly more than twelve hours; how to handle jetlag. He had been living together with Sho for three years, yet he barely knew his own boyfriend. 

“Jun,” Ohno called softly as he put his right hand on Jun’s shoulder, “you’re daydreaming.” 

Jun shook his head and looked up at Ohno. The actor was ready with his usual tote bag on his shoulder. 

“Where are we going?” Jun asked.

“My favorite bar,” Ohno said while leading the steps outside of the chaotic backstage. 

Jun wondered whether he was the only one who never attached to any shops or restaurants. Everyone seemed to have their favorite, but he rarely went to bar or club or restaurant when Sho wasn’t around. He was too occupied to his shop – just like what Aiba had always told him. 

“What do you think of the performance?” 

“You’re amazing, your voice is so beautiful.” 

“I screwed up,” Ohno shook his head. 

“You must be kidding me; you sang that song perfectly.” 

“Really?” Ohno raised his brows. “My voice is horrible.” 

“Believe me, I never heard that kind of voice, you should consider becoming a singer,” Jun commented.

“You’re complementing me too much,” Ohno chuckled. 

The bar they entered was full of people, but luckily none of them paid attention to Ohno; it would be troublesome if his fan girls started screaming and asking for his signature. They chose to sit in the seats at the end of the bar and mentioned their order to the bartender. The back ground music which was played was something from the 70s. The atmosphere of that bar was relaxing and Jun understood why Ohno liked it. 

“Do you come here often?” Jun asked. 

“I usually come after the performance,” Ohno replied, “it gives me time to calm my nerves down.” 

They sipped the cocktail and lost in their own thoughts. Jun glanced at the clock on the wall, wondering where Sho was right now. He had just flown the airplane for three hours; Jun wondered whether Sho had ever thought about him when he was on the flight. Jun could never erase the worrisome every time they said good bye; only that he wasn’t good in telling Sho about his true feeling. 

“Jun, would you like to visit my apartment?” Ohno asked all of a sudden. “It’s nearby, ten minutes walking distance, we can resume our drinking session there.” 

“Maybe I should go home,” Jun said, but it seemed that Ohno didn’t hear him. 

“Just for a couple of minutes,” Ohno said with a smile on his lips. 

They paid for their drink and stepped out of the bar; Ohno walked a few steps ahead of Jun while humming softly. It was the song he sang on his stage play; Jun followed while looking up to the dark sky. He didn’t know why, but he seemed to think a lot about Sho lately – the weird feeling of losing him always haunted Jun. 

Ohno turned around, checking on him. He waited for Jun and walked at the same pace. None of them spoke along the way; they counted their own steps until Ohno mumbled that they were there. 

Ohno’s apartment was comfortable and incredibly clean. The furniture was set to a minimum level; it almost felt like no one was staying there. Ohno gestured to Jun to sit down at the soft purple sofa in the middle of the living room meanwhile, he disappeared to the kitchen to take some drink. The table in front of the sofa was too small and crooked at the wrong place as if someone had dropped it from a high place. 

Jun looked around; this apartment was probably smaller than his, but it looked bigger since the lack of furniture. He compared it with his living room – where his stuff and Sho’s mixed together and sometimes Sho left his dirty clothes everywhere until Jun was too upset to remind him. 

“Here it is,” Ohno put down a cup of tea in front of Jun.

“Tea?” Jun raised his brows, he thought that they would enjoy a can of beer. 

“Yeah, tea,” Ohno smiled innocently. “You have to work early in the morning, right?” 

“Thanks,” Jun said. He was amazed by Ohno’s sincere concern.

“Your place is so clean,” Jun said honestly.

“Thanks,” Ohno said while looking around. “Cleaning the house is one of my ways to unleash my stress.” 

“Really? Never heard something like that before.”

“Now, you did,” Ohno said happily. 

Jun sipped the hot tea and surprised that it was unexpectedly delicious. He sipped it once again and put the cup down before turning at Ohno. 

“You should look for a partner,” he said without really thinking about it. 

Ohno chuckled and leaned his head on the sofa. “Well, I guess so. I just don’t know how to find them. I mean, I fell in love with a few people before and then I found out that they weren’t my type and the relationship ended up.” 

“You’re a good man, you’ll find your soulmate sooner or later, the best one,” Jun said.

“Well…” Ohno’s eyes were on him, the man was about to say more, but then he shook his head. 

“I think it’s time for me to go home,” Jun glanced at his watch, it was almost midnight and Ohno was right that he had to work early in the morning tomorrow. “Thanks for the tea.”

“You’re welcome,” Ohno said, raising off of the sofa and walked Jun to the doorstep. “Thanks for coming to my show and for visiting my place.” 

“My pleasure,” Jun said while wearing his coat and shoes. 

“Good night, Ohno san.”

“Good night, Jun,” Ohno said with a soft tone.   
***   
It was a day before Sho’s return from his flight that Jun and Aiba finished a huge order from one of the richest guys in town. They slumped tiredly on the chair and had just realized it was close to midnight. Aiba had taken two cans of beer from the fridge and put it down in front of Jun. 

“We should take a day off tomorrow,” he said while sipping the beer deliciously. 

“You’re right,” Jun opened the can and sipped it. It had been a while since he and Aiba worked to midnight; there was simply a too large order to be done and Jun couldn’t trust it to anyone else aside from Aiba. “Sho kun will be home tomorrow, I think I’ll be waiting at home.” 

“I envy you,” Aiba said. 

“Really?” Jun replied, “he’s such a cold person.” 

“But you love him.” 

“Of course I do,” Jun said. He rarely talked about Sho, even to Aiba. Come to think about it, he never tried to find out about Sho’s past; he felt that he was left in the dark. 

“Aiba, do you think I have to do something about Sho before we get married?” Jun asked.

Taken aback, Aiba scratched his head, “What do you mean by doing something?” 

“I don’t know, I think that we haven’t talked from heart to heart, he builds a wall around him,” Jun sipped his beer and gripped the cold can in his hands. He looked at the can as if it had made a mistake towards him. 

“Maybe he has something in the past that he can’t get over yet.”

“Someone he can’t forget?” Jun confirmed. 

He had been thinking about it for so many time and was scared all over. He tried to convince himself that Sho loved him as much as he did. He was afraid to bring himself to the conversation about Sho’s past, but he had to, sooner or later and he had to make sure that Sho would be honest with him. 

They left the shop after tidied up everything and made sure that Fujigaya had received their message to take care of the shop for the next day. Jun stepped towards his door with a heavy heart as he recalled his conversation with Aiba. He slid out the key from his pocket and opened the door. His feet stepped on something on the floor which was slipped under the door; it was an envelope. 

Jun bent down and took it; he wondered why the sender didn’t entrust the letter at the locker box at the lobby instead of slipping it under the door. 

There was no name on it or where it came from; suspicious that it might be something dangerous, Jun brought it to the kitchen and tore it apart after wearing a pair of gloves. 

It was a piece of paper; Jun flattened it and read its contain. The head of the letter was from the city laboratory. 

Ninomiya Kokoro : Biological Father, 99% : Sakurai Sho.

Jun couldn’t grab the sentence as he read it; it must be some kind of a joke, he thought. He read it once again and found something else inside the envelope; a photograph. 

Sho’s smile was too bright in that picture, his right hand was holding someone, no other than Ninomiya. Jun knew that the picture was an old one since Sho looked way too young in it. He dropped the picture along with the paper. His brain started grabbing the whole thing and he felt as if someone had pulled out his heart from his chest. 

Sho, Ninomiya, Sho, Ninomiya

Jun kept on chanting those names as if it could make everything whole again. However, it had created a huge hole in his chest. He didn’t know what to do; he didn’t know what to think. His mind turned blurred and he felt something warm flew on his cheeks. 

So Ninomiya was the one Sho had been looking for? But why? How? 

He stood up; he didn’t want to be here; in the room he had been sharing with Sho for the past three years. Sho would be here tomorrow morning and Jun was too scared to meet him. What should he say to Sho? 

He walked towards the door and walked out; he needed to disappear, he needed to stay away from all of this.

 

To be continued


	8. Chapter 8

The city was still swarmed with people when Jun stepped out of his apartment. The sleepy feeling had gone, replaced by the sour pain inside his chest. He walked along the sidewalk, not knowing where to go; his steps were unsteady and he bumped some people on his way. The cold wind bit his skin, but it didn’t matter. All that matter now was the truth which consumed every inch of his brain. 

It explained everything; why Sho didn’t reply to his email when he mentioned Ninomiya’s name; why Sho seemed reluctant to meet Ninomiya; why Sho treated him like he was a kind of replacement of his missing past. 

It hurt too much that he couldn’t bear it any longer. Jun could feel the tears on his cheeks, but he didn’t bother to wipe it away. The image of Sho and Ninomiya fulfilled his head and there was nothing he could do to block them. The photograph he left on his dining table seemed to explain more than words. Sho’s smile was too bright in that picture; Jun could hear his laughter when he held Ninomiya closer to him. Both of them looked perfect to each other as if they were born to become a couple. 

He was too naïve to consider himself as a tough person; he was too stupid for not asking Sho the truth – or he was too scared to do so. He was afraid of Sho’s answer, he had always worried that Sho might be leaving if Jun dared to bring the conversation about his strange behavior. 

Did Sho know that he has a kid with Ninomiya? If he did, why he dated Jun at the first place? Were there any circumstances which forced Sho and Ninomiya to be apart? 

Why Ninomiya didn’t bother to tell Jun that Sho was his ex? Why they acted so casual in front of Jun when he introduced them to each other? 

A hundred questions rushed into his head and it made him so upset to himself. He loved Sho and he wanted to keep the man away from all of his sorrow he had endured in his past. He wanted to make Sho happy; he wanted to become Sho’s best, regardless how cold Sho was to him, how ignorance Sho could be towards him. 

What Jun felt was more than sadness; it was something else – as if he was lost in some kind of game. He should have known the bond between Sho and Ninomiya earlier than this – or maybe he had realized it since the first time he met Sho. 

Sho who was so broken; Sho who was so fragile; Sho was trapped inside the loneliness cage back then. Jun knew that if he didn’t find Sho, the man would have destroyed himself and he couldn’t let it happen. Not when he fell in love with Sho; he wanted to save Sho from his pain and he was glad that the pilot slowly loved him back, even though he hadn’t opened his heart to Jun – not yet – as Jun tried to tell himself. 

He hated whoever did that to Sho; but on the other hand, he was grateful that he found Sho because of it. He never imagined that the one who broke Sho’s heart was Ninomiya – that man was the last person he could think of. 

Jun didn’t know how long had he been walking; the night grew colder and the drizzle started pouring. He even couldn’t bring himself to find a shelter when the rain poured for real; the cold water wetted his spine, but it wasn’t an issue now – not when his heart ached like hell. 

Someone bumped his shoulder, but Jun didn’t care. The man grabbed him by the elbow; Jun wouldn’t care even if he was beaten up, but when he lifted his head, he found Ohno’s figure. He sheltered Jun with the umbrella he was holding; the worrisome was plastered on his face. 

“Jun kun, what are you doing here? You’ll catch a cold,” Ohno said, looking into Jun’s wet face. 

He couldn’t answer; Ohno was the last person he wanted to talk with right now. He wished he could run away from the actor or pretended that he was here after visiting a friend, but he couldn’t come up with such lie. 

“Let’s go to my place,” Ohno grabbed his wrist and guided the way without waiting for Jun’s answer. 

Jun had just recognized the area; it was nearby Ohno’s apartment; he had walked this far without him even noticing.   
Ohno unlocked the door, switched the lamp on and gestured to Jun to enter the room. 

“You need to change your clothes,” Ohno said, disappearing towards his bedroom and came back with a pair of a jersey. He handed them to Jun and told him to change. 

Jun took the clothes after thanking the man. He headed towards Ohno’s bathroom which was as clean as the other rooms. He checked his reflection in the mirror; his eyes were bloodshot; his hair was in terrible mess – it was the face he would have never shown anybody if he was on his right mind. 

He washed his face by the sink, changed his clothes and returned to Ohno’s living room. The man had prepared two cups of hot tea for them. He glanced warily at Jun but didn’t ask any further. 

“Thank you,” Jun said as he sipped the hot tea before him. 

“I don’t know what is happening, but I’m glad if I can be of help to you,” Ohno said, looking at Jun with the same worrisome. 

“I’m fine, it’s just…” too hurt to find out the truth. 

“Jun kun,” Ohno shifted closer; he gave Jun a meaningful look, “It’s okay if you want to cry,” he continued. 

Jun wished he were stronger, but it would be a lie. He put down the cup on the table and buried his head in Ohno’s arms. The tears he had been holding finally burst out; his body trembled hard as he cried his heart out. Ohno’s hand held him tight, letting Jun pour all of his tears in his embrace. 

Ohno didn’t push him to talk which Jun very grateful for; he told Jun to use his guest room since it was already too late and probably it would be better for Jun to stay over. Jun had no energy left to decline; he thanked the man and apologize that he had become a nuisance. 

“Take a good rest,” Ohno said, closing the door behind him. 

Jun couldn’t sleep; he was too busy thinking of Sho and Ninomiya. What would happen to him and Sho after this? If Ninomiya had a kid from Sho, it meant he had to let go of Sho. 

What did he expect after all? 

Sho perhaps never loved him since the very beginning; Sho probably would leave him immediately as he found out that he had a kid. Jun was just a replacement of his precious Ninomiya – a replacement which didn’t even considered. 

“Why Ninomiya?” he whispered.   
*** 

Ohno had already departed for an early rehearsal when Jun came out of the guest room. The actor left a memo on the dining table, telling Jun to stay as long as he liked (if he still needed to stay). 

He glanced at the clock on the wall; it was nine in the morning. Sho would be at home anytime soon and it scared Jun. Sho would find the envelope on the dining table; he would find the truth about Ninomiya; he would make a decision right after. 

Jun slid out his phone from his pocket; he looked at the screen and afraid that Sho might be calling him. He was about to turn it off when it vibrated. The caller was no other than Ninomiya. 

He couldn’t answer it; Ninomiya had become a threat to him now; he was the one who Sho would die for and it left a horrible jealousy in Jun’s chest. He might be the one who slipped the envelope under Jun’s apartment’s door. He wanted to destroy the happiness Jun was going to build with Sho. 

He ignored the phone and began collecting his belongings; he didn’t want to go home and meet Sho. The only one thing he could do now to distract his mind was working. He would go to his shop to work and tried to forget the grip in his chest for a while. 

Sho called him a few minutes later when Jun was already on the train; he switched the phone off right after. He couldn’t bear the thoughts that Sho would cut their ties once he found the envelope. It scared him to death. 

He reached his shop, greeted Fujigaya and explained that he had forgotten something so he canceled his off day. He changed his clothes, fastened the apron around his waist and started working. 

The strawberry short cake he had created for Valentine seemed to mock him. The chocolate roll he had made for his own wedding party seemed to laugh at him. Jun tried to ignore the pain which consumed him, but he couldn’t. 

It was almost lunch time when he finally slumped in the chair, surrounded by the mess in the kitchen. He buried his face on his dirty palms and pushed out the thoughts which weight him down, he tried hard not to think. 

The door to the kitchen fluttered open; Jun lifted his face and saw Sho on the door frame, still in his pilot uniform, looking at him with an unreadable expression. Sho’s hand was holding something – the envelope from last night. Both of them stared at each other with no words; not knowing what to say. 

“Jun,” was all Sho said after minutes passed. 

He avoided Sho’s gaze, not wanting to see that face. The man shifted closer to him and stood right before Jun.   
“I swear, I don’t know who was behind this,” the man said with rather trembling voice. 

He put down the envelope on the table and leaned closer to Jun; Sho’s face was just like Jun’s, restless, worrisome, doubt, anger and the other emotion that Jun couldn’t name anymore. 

“Is he Ninomiya? The one who you have been looking for?” Jun asked in a tiny voice. 

“What do you mean?” Sho tried to reach Jun’s hand but he stopped in the air. 

“What am I to you, Sho?” Jun asked, lifting his head to meet Sho’s gaze, he looked like somebody who had just faced a strong wind on his way here. 

“Jun, you know that I love you…”

“Not as much as you loved Ninomiya,” Jun whispered. 

Now, he heard himself saying this – it was harder than he thought and it sliced him to pieces. “You can’t choose me if you still love him, it would just weigh you down.” 

“No,” Sho shook his head, “what you have done for me is not a lie, I love you, Jun.” 

Jun felt his tears wetted his eyes; it hurt to see Sho in this state, he was ready to hear good bye from Sho’s mouth, he was ready to give up on Sho – not the other way around, not the Sho who told him to love words. 

“You have a kid to take care of,” Jun said. 

“I don’t even know about it until a few hours ago,” Sho took a step closer and hugged him. “I’m sorry.” 

“You still love him, don’t you?” Jun sobbed into Sho’s shoulder. “Why didn’t you tell me everything about him? It could be easier that way.” 

“I just…can’t…” Sho’s hand brushed his hair softly, Jun could hear Sho’s rapid heartbeat – as if it resonance his doubt. Jun knew deep down inside, Sho still loved Ninomiya dearly. 

“You can’t be happy with me if he’s still inside your mind and inside your heart,” Jun said. 

“Jun, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” 

“I can’t live without you,” Jun let Sho pull him into a hug, he didn’t want to lose Sho, he would break into a thousand pieces if Sho was gone. “But I need you to love me back, even just a little.” 

“I’m sorry,” Sho chanted in his ears, “I’m a coward, you shouldn’t have loved me, I’m just a coward.” 

Sho pulled away and he looked into Jun’s eyes; his hand wiped Jun’s tears; he leaned closer and kissed Jun’s lips in the way he had never done before. It felt like a good-bye kiss that Jun was scared to let go. 

“I need to clarify everything,” Sho said as they parted. “Do you trust me?”

Jun gave no answer; he took a deep breath and looked to the empty oven on his right side. He loved Sho to the moon and back; it was unquestionable, but he couldn’t keep Sho to himself if the man had to choose between his past with Ninomiya and the future with Jun. 

“Nino is the first man I’ve fallen in love with,” Sho said. “We’ve been together for a year, but he left me without any explanation, he just disappeared without a trace and I gave up on trying to find him.” 

Sho paused and looked at Jun; his expression showed an agony; the same expression Jun had seen on the first time they met. 

“I was on the edge of my senses until I found you,” Sho reached Jun’s hand and squished it softly. 

“He left you because of that kid?” Jun tried to conclude. 

“I don’t know,” Sho shook his head, “I have no idea about the kid.”

“The DNA test,” Jun said. 

“It stated that I am the father of that kid, yes,” Sho glanced at the envelope on the table and moved his gaze to Jun. 

“Do you have any idea who slipped that under our door?” 

Sho shook his head. 

The silence fell between them once again, hanging above their heads heavily. None of them tried to look into each other’s eyes; it almost spoke the end on their behalf. 

“I’ll be waiting for your decision,” Jun said sadly, “whatever it is because I can’t see you like this. I feel like I am the victim of your past and it’s unfair for me. I am not a replacement for your lost love because I can’t be like Ninomiya, I just know how to be me and I always hope that you understand.”

“Jun…” 

“Don’t see me until you make a decision,” Jun said.

“You can’t…” 

“Sho, please, there will be only pain for us.” 

Sho seemed to want to shout at him, but the man said nothing. He took the envelope with him and left the kitchen. The hole in his chest had grown wider as Sho left; there was nothing but the bitter pain in it. 

***   
Sho walked aimlessly, gripping the envelope tighter in his fist. He could understand Jun’s anger, disappointment, sadness and his uncertainty. But Jun wasn’t the only person who was hurt. He couldn’t grab the meaning behind it; he and Nino had a child? But why on earth didn’t Nino tell him? Why now? After Sho had decided to move on and was about to get married? 

Did Nino do it on purpose? But for what? 

Jun’s expression flashed in his mind; the deep sadness was crafted there. Sho was scared of losing Jun, he would scatter around all over again if Jun left him. But, the fact that he had a child with Nino was a real shock to him. It was something he could do nothing about. 

Nino left him because he was pregnant back then? 

But why? It didn’t make sense – Nino could have told him the truth and Sho would be more than glad to take care of them. Nino chose to stay away, leaving Sho without warning, throwing him to the endless loneliness. 

Sho’s mind was in chaos, he didn’t know what to do first. Everything seemed to mix one to another. Why did Nino send them the envelope? What was the point of doing so? He could have told Sho directly; they could have talked properly. 

He needed alcohol and a pack of cigarette to help him clear his mind – just like what he did when he realized that Nino was no longer there for him. All he wanted was finding Nino and hearing the truth from his lips. But he couldn’t do that; he didn’t have Nino’s number; he didn’t have his email; he didn’t know where Nino lived and he didn’t even know where his office was. 

It was still three in the afternoon, but Sho stepped into a pub which opened rather early and ordered a glass of wine. It seemed that he and Jun were facing a windy road to their wedding (if they still stick to the plan); it was more than just a coincidence to find Nino after years of separation. 

Sho had been asking himself the same question over and over again: did he love Jun with all his heart? 

He couldn’t answer to that, he needed Jun in his life but it didn’t mean that he could forget what he had with Nino. 

“It’s rare to see you here again,” a voice was heard from the seat behind him. Ohno’s lips curved in a smile as he met Sho’s gaze, he rose from his chair and joined Sho. “Cheers.” 

Sho saluted the man and drank his own wine, the warmth rushed inside his body, cleared his mind a little bit. Ohno’s gaze on him was intense, as if he was a rare object. 

“I heard that you just came back from your flight,” Ohno said, sipping his drink in an elegant way. 

“I did,” Sho answered shortly.

“What a busy life you have there,” Ohno commented, sipping the wine as if it was water. 

“Look who’s talking,” Sho snorted. 

“I think you should take a better care for Jun,” Ohno said with a surprisingly calm tone as if he knew that Sho and Jun were in a trouble. “He’s a kind of lonely.”

“He gets used to it,” Sho said. 

“It’s not about the distance, it’s something else,” Ohno put down his glass and slid out a box of cigarette from his inner pocket. 

“What do you know about Jun?” Sho asked. 

Sho had never thought that Jun would cheat on him; he trusted Jun more than anything; not to mention that he found Ohno’s book inside the man’s tote bag. But it didn’t mean that Jun was having an affair, moreover with someone like Ohno. 

Ohno’s face was plain enough when he said something which made Sho’s heart froze. 

“I fall in love with Jun.” 

Sho looked at his friend, trying to find a joke on Ohno’s expression, but the man was dead serious. 

“He deserves someone better than you who don’t even know how lonely he is,” he continued. 

“Don’t tell me rubbish,” Sho said in trembling voice, “you’re my friend, Satoshi, I trust you.” 

The things between him and Jun was nobody’s business; Ohno was the last person on earth Sho could have imagined to put a liking on Jun. He wished Ohno could have a better manner. 

“It has nothing to do with friendship, Sho,” Ohno put down his cigarette in the ashtray and sipped his wine. “He’s lonely and I can’t bear seeing him in that state.” 

Sho extended his hand to Ohno’s collar, gripping it tightly, his right hand was ready to punch Ohno’s nose. He would never forgive Ohno if he dared lay a hand on Jun. Ohno’s lips curved in a smile as if inviting Sho to give him a real punch; Sho shook his head and let go of the actor’s collar, he sunk deeper into the seat, burying his face onto his palms. 

“I don’t know what to do,” Sho mumbled, more to himself than to Ohno. 

Ohno straightened his shirt and stood up, he patted Sho’s shoulder and whispered, “You can’t make Jun happy if your heart is splitting up.”

Sho looked at Ohno’s hardened expression; this man didn’t understand what kind of complicated situation he was in; it would be such a betrayal if Ohno made a use of it to get Jun’s attention. It was a mistake to drag Jun to Ohno’s  
performance; Sho had never thought that Ohno would put a liking on Jun – blinding his eyes from the fact that Jun was Sho’s fiancé. 

Ohno turned around and left him towards the exit. Sho stared at his figure until he disappeared beyond the door; Ohno had put his ego above their friendship – for the first time since he dated Jun, he felt a deep jealousy. He always thought that Jun was his, no matter what happened, he never considered that somebody else might be liking Jun and grabbing him away from Sho. 

Jun was lonely, just like what Ohno said. Jun deserved to be happy, and Sho would make sure that he was the one who could give it to Jun. 

How can you make him happy if Nino is still lingering in your mind?

A tiny voice was heard in his ears, sending him once again to the cloud of doubt.   
***   
“It’s not a proper place to sleep.” 

Jun heard a voice whispered in his ear; he opened his lids and saw Ohno’s face. He dozed off at one of the tables in the back of the shop. Fujigaya and the rest had left; he was taking a short rest but eventually fell asleep. 

He thought that Sho had come back to resume their talk, to convince Jun that everything was just a stupid mistake and they could start all over again. But the one who stood before him was Ohno. 

“You’ll catch a cold,” Ohno said again, covering him with his coat. 

“Why are you here?” Jun asked. 

“I was worried about you,” Ohno caressed Jun’s hair with his long fingers. Jun wanted to tell him to stop, but his tongue was glued. “I met Sho on my way here.” 

Jun said nothing, Ohno must have known there was something unsettled between them, that was why Jun wondered the street aimlessly last night. 

“Jun, I love you,” Ohno said, clear and precise – without a slight of a doubt. 

Jun, whose mind was still in chaos couldn’t digest what Ohno said at first, but then the words hit him like a sudden wave. He jerked from Ohno and looked at the man; his heart beat unpleasantly. 

What did Ohno want by confessing his feeling? He knew that Jun was Sho’s, yet he acted as if it was nothing. 

“You shouldn’t say that,” Jun averted his gaze from Ohno. 

“I’m just trying, to be honest. What we had….I just can’t get out of my head, ” Ohno tried to grab Jun’s hand, but the latter shifted away. 

“Sho kun and me, what about us?” 

“I know,” Ohno’s hand stopped in the air, the disappointment was shown on his face, “I know I can’t win you over Sho, but I just want you to know that I love you, it doesn’t matter if you don’t love me back.” 

“You’re such a stupid,” Jun said, shaking his head. 

“I am,” Ohno leaned closer and placed his lips on Jun’s. 

Jun wanted to push the man away, but he just couldn’t do that. The scene of Sho and Ninomiya rushed into his head…

Sho and Ninomiya shared a passionate kiss…

Sho and Ninomiya holding hands and walking side by side…

Sho and Ninomiya snugged to each other…

The unbearable pain ruled his chest, it turned him breathless; he wanted to forget it for a while. He wanted to run away from all of this, but the spark on Sho’s eyes, the sweetness in Sho’s kisses, the warmth Sho had shared with him were something he couldn’t throw just like that. 

Ohno pulled away and looked into his eyes. 

“I can be your strength if you want,” Ohno said. 

“Thanks,” Jun replied, giving Ohno a soft smile. 

to be continued


	9. Kanawanai Yakusoku chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A semi long distance relationship was never a problem for Jun and Sho, they trusted each other and managed to live the same path. However, the sudden appearance of Ninomiya and Ohno had affected Jun’s decision.

Sho couldn’t sleep at all; he didn’t even change his uniform – all he did was staring at the wedding invitation card which lay innocently on the dining table beside the DNA test result. The headache wasn’t even strong enough to force him to sleep, he wanted an answer to the situation he was facing now. He couldn’t get the whole thing – Nino was pregnant with his child when he disappeared – if he loved Sho enough, he wouldn’t have done that at the first place. 

What should he do to Jun if he had to take responsibility of Nino and their child? 

He took the envelope and opened it; he had read it a hundred times; the paper had turned messy and almost couldn’t be read anymore. 

“Kokoro…” he whispered. 

It seemed unreal to know that he had a child for these five years; he felt like a dumb for not putting an effort in searching for Nino back then. If only he were more level-headed, perhaps none of this would have happened.

He had failed Jun, the man who was willing to do anything for Sho’s happiness. Jun had shed the tears because of his stupidity; he thought that by hiding the past, he could save their relationship. But he was wrong – he could never run away from the past and the consequence was he could never get to his future. 

Hours had passed since he arrived home, Sho had never really realized that the apartment was so empty without Jun’s presence – did Jun always feel like this every time Sho wasn’t around? 

The morning came, the sunshine peeked through the curtains to the living room. 

“Sho, good morning, I made cheesecake for you”

“Have a safe flight, I love you, Sho” 

“There’s a stain on your uniform, let me wash it once again” 

“Sho, what do you want for dinner?” 

Something warm wetted Sho’s cheeks as he recalled the time he had shared with Jun. He didn’t realize how much Jun meant to him until now. He slowly rose off of the chair and walked toward the living room, he kneeled down on the floor and leaned his head to the sofa where he and Jun spent their spare time the most. 

There was Jun complained about the monotone TV show, there was Jun with the dirty apron as he baked something at the kitchen, there was Jun got mad at Sho because he let his unwashed clothes scatter everywhere. 

He cried his heart out; it had been forever since he shed the tears. He couldn’t stop it now, he felt empty inside, he was confused, he didn’t know what to do. 

Ohno was right that he had made Jun lonely; he should have loved Jun more instead of craving for Nino. Everything seemed too late now – with Nino’s sudden appearance which enough to shake his emotion. 

Sho remembered that Jun had mentioned the wedding organizer company where Nino worked. He slid his phone from his pocket and searched for the email; the name ‘Mikatsuki’ was written there. Sho browsed the address and saved it on his memo. If he wanted the answer; he had to meet Nino and talked to him. 

He was scared to know the truth; but he got no choice. It was his fault – he was the source of Nino and Jun’s suffering. He wished he could turn back the time; he would have chosen a different path, he would have never become a pilot at the first place. 

Sho wiped his cheeks, he moved towards the sink, washed his face and changed his clothes. He stepped outside of the apartment and headed Nino’s office. He knew it was still too early for the office to open, but he just couldn’t stand if he did nothing. 

Nino’s office was still closed when Sho got there. He waited in front of the building, searching for the smoking area which located a few meters away from it. He had stopped smoking a long time ago, but the chaotic situation and his unstable mood had made his body craved for nicotine. He slid out a cigarette from its box and lit it. 

A few students passed by while talking with their friends, salary men stepped in rapid speed towards their office, mothers with an infant and elderly with their dog swarmed the street as the morning came. Sho looked at them, imagining how it felt to have a normal life. It didn’t mean his life wasn’t normal, but sometimes he wondered what kind of life he would have led if he didn’t become a pilot? 

Maybe he would have become one of those salary men, packed in a train full of people during rush hour, lived in a cramped apartment in the suburb areas with two children and a dog. Maybe that way of life was way much better than what he had, it would be less complicated and he didn’t need to lose Nino at the first place. He would have never gotten to know Jun; the man probably would have dated someone who was way better than Sho and led a happier life.   
He was about to draw the third cigarette when he spotted Nino’s figure; the man alighted the bus and walked towards his office building. He wore a navy-blue tweed jacket which looked way bigger for his petite body. 

Sho threw his cigarette away and chased the man, his heart beat sped up as he got closer to Nino. What should he say to Nino? He couldn’t picture Nino as the one who slipped the envelope under his door, he could have done that earlier if he really wanted to tear Sho and Jun apart. 

Nino stopped and turned at him all of a sudden as if knowing there was someone following him. 

“Sho chan?” he looked at Sho with a questioning gaze. “What brings you here this early?” 

“Nino, I need to ask you something,” Sho said, approaching the man closer, clutching the envelope tighter in his fist.

“Tell me, did you send this to me?” he pushed the envelope to Nino’s hand. 

Nino seemed confused, he opened the envelope, slid out the paper from it and read what was written, his eyes widened in shock. He looked at Sho and the paper back and forth.

“I…I don’t know who did it, I swear,” Nino shook his head in horror. He returned the envelope to Sho’s hand and squished his own fingers – the old habit he always did when he was in trouble. 

“Sho chan, I never wanted to make you and Matsumoto san apart, I…” 

“The child,” Sho said, trying to keep his voice calm, “is he mine?” 

Nino didn’t answer. 

“The DNA test shows that the boy is mine, but I need to hear it from you,” Sho placed both of his hands on Nino’s shoulders, “did you leave me because of that?” 

“Sho chan,” Nino said in a tiny voice. He looked down to his feet, avoiding Sho’s gaze. 

“You should have told me that you carried my child, I would have never left you alone, you know how much I loved you, don’t you?” 

“That kid was an accident.” 

“What?” Sho stepped back and shook his head. “What did you say?” 

“I slept with another guy,” Nino shook his head; he looked at Sho with teary eyes, “I was scared of losing you and I couldn’t stand the loneliness. I was out of my mind and I thought that I had no chance to be together with you and I found out that I was…” 

There was a loud buzz in Sho’s ears as he heard what Nino said; he couldn’t digest the words properly. There was no way Nino could betray him behind his back – no way. 

“That DNA test proves that I am the father of your son.” 

Nino kept on shaking his head; somehow he looked like a lost kid. 

“How do you know if it’s real? What if someone tries to deceive you?” 

Sho clutched the envelope; he never thought that way, what matter to him was finding the real reason why Nino left him. He knew that Nino loved him as much as he did and the man had promised Sho that he would always wait for Sho to come home. If the kid was really Sho’s, Nino didn’t need to escape, all he needed to do was telling Sho and they could have married at that time without a single doubt. 

“You can’t do this to me,” Sho bit his lower lip, trying to hold the tears which were about to fall. “I loved you, I’d do anything for you. You don’t know how much you broke my heart, how much you hurt me.” 

“I know,” Nino replied with a trembling voice, “That was why I left you.” 

“You could have told me the truth.” 

“Do you think that you’re the one that hurting?” Nino asked. “You don’t know how it feels to be me. Everyone makes fun of me for dating a captain like you, every time I came to the airport, you were busy talking to the stewardess who even didn’t realize that I existed. You talked about places that I would have never visited, you never asked my wellbeing and…” 

The rest of Nino’s words lost as Sho pulled him into a tight hug. How could he not realized that Nino was hurting only by dating him – did Jun feel the same? Did Jun hide all of his jealousy and bitterness he felt because Sho always became the self-centered one? 

He always thought that he loved Nino from the bottom of his heart, but he treated the man improperly and he did it to Jun all over again. What kind of moron was he? 

“Why didn’t you just break up with me?” Sho asked.

“I can’t…” Nino sobbed, “I loved you too much to break you up.”

“I don’t know what to do,” Sho said, tightening the embrace. “You don’t deserve this.” 

“So does Matsumoto san,” Nino pulled himself further from Sho and wiped his tears. “You have to make things right with him.” 

“How about you? Will you be okay?” 

“I’ve moved on,” Nino gave him a weak smile, “I learned to love someone else.” 

The hollow on Sho’s chest grew wider as he heard it; he was the one to be blamed for everything. He was the moron who didn’t realize what was important for him until he lost it. 

“What should I do?” 

“You have to find out if the DNA result is correct, I can bring my son to the lab today.” 

Sho once again looked at the envelope which nearly torn out and nodded. He was relief that Nino wasn’t the one who sent it. He inserted it into his pocket and looked at Nino whose eyes were still formed a sad expression. 

“I’ve always loved you,” Sho said, “Not a day passed by without thinking of you. I’ve always dreamed that I’ll get you back. But I surrendered at the end, I was on the edge when I met Jun.” 

“I’m sorry,” Nino took his hand and squished it softly. “I never forgive myself for doing this to you.” 

Sho knew that he and Nino couldn’t have what they had shared five years ago and nothing would be the same again if they dared to try again. Nino declared that he had moved on from Sho and had learned to love someone else. 

Their intertwined hands seemed to tell more than words; the warmth that Sho had been missing showered him as he gripped Nino’s fingers. They stayed silence for minutes, ignoring that they were on the sidewalk which swarmed by morning rush hour. Sho wished the time could stop just to feel Nino’s warmth longer, but the reality didn’t offer such thing. 

“Nino!” 

Both of them turned to the caller; a man was waving his hand at Nino. 

“I have to go,” Nino whispered to Sho, pulling his hand from Sho;s grip. 

Sho stood still and watched Nino approaching the man; they walked into Nino’s office, hand in hand. Sho could still hear their conversation. 

“Thanks for yesterday, Touma. Kokoro loves your present.” 

“That’s great,” the man called Touma answered, opening the door for Nino and motioned to him to enter. 

Sho took a deep breath; maybe it happened for the better, he thought. He was too observed into his past that he forgot about the future which waited for him. He stepped farther from Nino’s office and headed towards Jun’s shop. 

He wasn’t sure whether Jun would forgive him for not telling the truth about his past with Ninomiya. He wasn’t even sure that he and Jun could make a new start after what happened between them. 

Would Jun trust him if he said that the DNA test probably was the fake one? 

What if Jun run to someone else because he couldn’t stand being with Sho? Just like Nino did; he chose to leave Sho behind because he realized that Sho would never make him happy. 

The image of Jun holding hands with Ohno flashed in his head; Sho couldn’t let it happen, he sped up his steps, he didn’t want to lose someone he loved once more.   
***   
Jun wasn’t at his shop when Sho got there. He found Aiba at the kitchen who was ready to bake some cake; the man welcomed Sho with a broad smile. 

“Where is Jun?” Sho asked. 

“He told me that he would not be working today,” Aiba answered, giving Sho a puzzled gaze. “Didn’t he tell you anything?” 

“I…thanks Aiba kun,” Sho said, leaving the kitchen and sliding his phone out of his pocket. He tried to call Jun, but the number was busy. 

He hurriedly returned to his apartment, hoping to find Jun there, but the place was empty. There was no sign of Jun coming back; the room was just as empty as Sho left it this morning. He brought his feet towards the bedroom and checked the closet; Jun’s outfit was still there which meant he didn’t go somewhere for days. Maybe he was just out to avoid Sho in order to give his mind a peaceful moment. 

But what if he left? 

Sho’s feet weakened, he kneeled down on the floor and lay on his back. He didn’t know what to do if he had to lose Jun too. He closed his eyes, letting the memories he had with Jun rushed into his head, showering him with a deep longing towards Jun whom he should have taken care of properly. 

He didn’t know how long he had been lying there until the sleepy feeling finally controlled him and sent him into a deep slumber.   
***   
It wasn’t an escape, it was just a gateway from the chaotic of his mind. Jun needed to refresh before he could talk with Sho properly; he had left a letter for the man which explained where he went and when he would be going back. He didn’t want to be disturbed and had his phone switched off all time – he knew it was a selfish act and perhaps Sho would be so worried and upset, but he just couldn’t help seeing Sho at the moment. 

It would give Sho time to think as well; whether he wanted to stay with Jun or not. Jun had done his best in curing Sho’s wound, but it was obvious that he failed. It was up to Sho now, and Jun had no right to push the man in deciding what to do. He knew it would be hurt like hell, but Jun told himself that he must get used to it. He dared to love Sho without question along with the consequences – he had no choice but to face it. 

Ohno stayed with him for hours the night before, but Jun drove him away as he needed time to be alone. He thought about Ohno’s confession; perhaps if they were in the different circumstances, Jun would be glad to go out with the actor. However, he belonged to Sho and he had no heart to leave the pilot just like that because hurting Sho meant hurting himself as well. Jun knew how stupid it heard, but that was how he loved Sho. 

He leaned back to the seat of the train which brought him to Kobe. He heard that there was unique cake shops in the town and he wanted to visit them one by one for an observation and comparison. It had been a long time since he went for culinary hunting since he was too busy at his shop. Aiba seemed to understand what happened between him and Sho; the man told him to take his time in order to calm his heart down. He also promised Jun that he would take care of the shop during his absence. 

Jun slid out the wedding invitation card from his rucksack and looked at it with such bewildered feeling. He had been looking forward to welcoming their wedding day; but now, it felt like an unknown thing. He inserted it back and took a deep breath; there was nothing he should look forward to. Everything was in Sho’s hand now and Jun would give the man time as much as he needed. 

***   
Sho was about to give up in finding where Jun might be going when he found a letter just below the piles of his novels. He took it and opened it slowly, afraid that it would be a goodbye letter. He read it carefully and reread it again as he finished; Jun’s words were somehow indicating that he had given up on Sho, but at least it wasn’t a goodbye. 

Dear Sho, 

It has been three years since we are together, I cherish all the good and bad memories with you and thank you for the wonderful days we had shared. I’m so happy when we decided to get married, it means that you will be mine and I will be yours officially. 

I know that we haven’t shown our true self to each other and I’ve been trying to understand that. You were deeply hurt when I found you and I’m not that stupid to bring up the conversation about your past that you want to get over. I always convince myself that you will open up your heart when you’re ready, that you still need some times to trust me with your dark past.

It wasn’t the picture or the DNA test result which made me sad, but it was you, for not trusting me enough. You hide your deepest sadness without trying to share them with me, you gave me no chance to be the one you can lean to. 

I’ll give you some space to think because I need it right now. Don’t look for me or push me to talk to you since I’m afraid that we’ll come to the wrong conclusion, let’s decide the next step in a happier time.   
About Ninomiya san, I like him personally and I understand why you can’t get over him, I can do nothing to change the fact that you both shared the same past. 

We can talk about the wedding when we meet, whether it would be possible or not, it depends on many things. 

Safe flight for your upcoming schedule, 

Love

Jun 

Sho grimaced, it was better than a good-bye letter, but it seemed that Jun wanted to stay away from him. He folded the paper and inserted it into his pocket; he could do nothing but wait. He had just realized that he was tired; both physically and mentally. This 24 hours seemed the longest time he had been through, yet he was still in the cloud.

He randomly picked something from the fridge and made a cup of coffee. The paper which contained the DNA test lay innocently on the table, Sho took it and read it again before inserting it into his pocket, along with Jun’s letter. He would go to the laboratory and asked for Nino’s help this time. 

To be continued


	10. Kanawanai Yakusoku chapter 10 (final)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A semi long distance relationship was never a problem for Jun and Sho, they trusted each other and managed to live the same path. However, the sudden appearance of Ninomiya and Ohno had affected Jun’s decision.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your captain speaking from the cockpit, we are currently flying 38.000 feet above sea level and 180 km from Tan Son Nhat International Aiport of Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam. The weather is reportedly fine with the visibility around 10 km. Please sit back and relax while we’ll be preparing for landing, thank you for flying with us and welcome to Ho Chi Minh city.” 

Sho gave the code to the co-pilot to lower the cruising altitude; it was a fine six-hour flight from Tokyo to Ho Chi Minh City. It had been a while since he flew here, his current schedule was always to USA or Europe. They landed the plane safely and headed the arrival hall where their shuttle bus was waiting. 

Sho stuffed his luggage at the trunk and boarded the car, he leaned in the seat and closed his eyes immediately. It was almost three in the afternoon; he needed a long bathe and sleep. He listened to the conversation between the stewardess, but not for long since he slowly drifted to consciousness. 

The driver woke him up when they arrived at the hotel lobby. Sho confusedly took his luggage and dragged it towards the reception desk. He checked-in and headed the elevator quickly. His watch pointed to four pm in the afternoon; it was definitely too early to sleep, but he couldn’t think of something else to do. 

It had been two weeks since the envelope accident and Jun still denied meeting him. He gave Sho a clear statement that he still needed time until he was ready. Sho had no choice but to wait. It was not easy, though, he had tried to sneak around to Jun’s shop more than once but he stopped half way as he imagined Jun’s frowning face. 

He even didn’t go back to their apartment; Sho stayed at the hotel for the time being and spent his time by rereading the novels he had read for the nth times. 

He alighted the elevator at the 7th floor, headed his room at the end of the corridor, unlocked it and entered the room which welcomed him with rather a pleasant smile. He slumped on the bed, letting his pilot cap fell to the floor. The silence was so intense, it felt so weird compared to an hour ago when he was still on the flight. 

Sho let the silence consume him, bringing him to the day when he met Nino along with his five-year-old son at the city laboratory. The kid was Nino’s little version; pale skin, pretty nose, a cute smile he had the same willingness to talk all the time. 

He addressed Sho as ‘Mr. Pilot’ as Nino told the kid about Sho’s profession, even though he seemed to find difficulties in understanding what Sho did. 

Somehow, the three of them looked like a happy family with Kokoro walked between them. The kid held Sho’s right hand and Nino’s left hand while humming softly. 

“He always did it to everyone,” Nino said with an apologetic smile. 

Sho looked down at the five-year-old boy and smiled at him, “Do you want to become a pilot?” he asked. 

“No,” he shook his head, “I want to become a doctor.” 

“You said you want to be a teacher,” Nino chimed in. 

“That was three days ago,” the kid answered. 

Sho chuckled and moved his gaze to Nino; he looked beautiful as he always was, but Sho had decided that he would move on. Nino caught his sight and gave him a soft smile. They continued walking while listening to Kokoro’s rumbling about the fish he kept at home and the complaint about his breakfast. He was sure taking after Nino on that. 

The laboratory staff was a young woman; she welcomed them and noted their names on a book and told them to wait. She called Kokoro first, another young woman guided him and Nino towards the other room. Sho shifted closer towards the woman and showed her the DNA result he had received a week before. 

“Did your office release this?” Sho asked. 

The woman formed a puzzled expression as she took the paper from Sho’s hand. She checked the date and searched for a file on her computer. 

“I’m afraid that our office never printed this result,” she said, confused. 

“Thank you,” Sho took the paper back and slipped it into his pocket. 

The three of them had a nice lunch as they finished the laboratory thing. Sho asked the nurse if there was someone who collected the DNA test under his and Kokoro’s name, but as expected she said that she never received anything related to Sho and Kokoro except for today. Sho decided that maybe it was better to let the sender unknown – he had no energy left to judge them. 

“Papa, can I become friends with Mr. Pilot? He’s a good guy,” Kokoro said as they headed back home and they were about to separate at the station. 

“Sure,” Nino answered. “You can befriend him.” 

The kid waved goodbye at him as he and Nino boarded the train. Sho felt something warm slipped into his heart, he didn’t know whether he should be happy with the fact that Kokoro wasn’t his son (not mentioning that the real DNA result hadn’t finished yet). 

The DNA result had been sent to Nino’s address three days later and it showed that Sho wasn’t Kokoro’s father. Nino phoned him when he was about to depart to his domestic flight (Kokoro’s voice could be heard from behind). Nino wished him a safe flight and apologized for the trouble he had caused and sincerely hoped that he and Jun would reunite again and resumed their delayed wedding schedule. 

Sho slowly rose off of the bed and checked his phone. He had been keeping his promise not to bother Jun within these past two weeks and he missed the man more than he had ever experienced. Perhaps, Jun wouldn’t forgive him that easily after what he had done all these years. He only knew how to be loved without even knowing how to love somebody else the way they wanted. 

Nino was right that he was just a self-centered man who thought too high of himself. 

He walked towards the window and looked at the scene outside; he had never asked Jun to take a holiday together because he assumed that Jun was too busy with his shop. He never really talked about it anyway. He took a deep breath, hoping that there was still the way out for their relationship. 

***   
“Matsujun, try this one.” 

Aiba handed him a cake with orange topping; it was their off day but Jun decided to work on his new recipe and Aiba seemed to think about the same thing. 

“It’s a little bit sour, but I like it,” Jun commented. 

“Can we make it for the next order from the wedding organizer?” Aiba asked. 

“Sure,” Jun nodded. “I think the sour cake will be a nice idea.” 

Jun checked his cake inside the oven; he had failed in making cakes upon his new recipe, something which never happened until now. Aiba said that it had something to do with his emotion and Jun hated to admit that Aiba must have been right. 

He had freshened up his mind during his short gateway to Kobe, but the thing in the back of his head wasn’t something he could ignore. He had to clear his problem with Sho – if he could call it as a problem – what they had was something deeper and more complicated. 

Jun had canceled everything related to their wedding, including the hotel reservation, the honeymoon plan (something he even hadn’t discussed with Sho) and he threw away the wedding invitation cards since he knew that they would change the date anyway. He wasn’t even sure that the wedding would happen in the first place. 

He should talk to Sho sooner or later, but he didn’t know how to start it. He had called Ninomiya a few days ago and told the man that probably they needed to change the wedding date. Ninomiya answered with a casual tone without showing him any sign that he was probably the reason behind it. However, Jun had stopped blaming the man for what happened between him and Sho – it was not Ninomiya’s business anymore. 

“It’s a trash,” Jun said, throwing the cake from its container. 

“Matsujun, you need to take a rest,” Aiba said, looking at him with concern in his eyes. 

“I have taken enough rest,” Jun slumped on the chair, feeling so frustrated.

They heard someone entered the front door, thinking that it might be Fujigaya or the other employees, Jun and Aiba didn’t move from their place until they saw a figure on the doorstep. 

“Ninomiya san?” Aiba said with questioning gaze, “we are close for today.” 

“I know,” the guy spread his smile at them, “I’m here to visit,” he put the plastic bag with beer cans in it on their table. 

“These are what we need,” Aiba beamed happily, “come on, Matsujun, let’s leave the oven for a while.” 

“I can’t drink,” Jun shrugged, glancing at Ninomiya. 

“Maybe you should, you look awful,” the guy shifted closer to him. “A can of beer will help you.” 

Jun shrugged and looked at the cake in the trash bin, Ninomiya was right, he was awful. 

“Okay,” he nodded and loosened his apron. He led the way towards the front room and sat down on one of the chairs, followed by Aiba and Ninomiya. 

At first, Aiba was the one who talked meanwhile Jun and Ninomiya only responded with ‘mmm’ or ‘yeah’ or ‘really?’ but when they guy finally dozed off lightly, both of them were left in a weird silence. 

Jun had kept many questions he wanted to ask Ninomiya, but when the man was really here before him, he couldn’t even recall what he wanted to say. On the opposite, Ninomiya looked so calm, he slid something from his pocket and put it down on the table. 

“Open it, it’s the authentic one.” 

Jun took the envelope and fished the paper inside it. Sho’s name was printed on it along with Kokoro’s, but the result was different – it showed that he wasn’t the father of the kid. 

“What does it mean?” 

“Didn’t Sho tell you?”

“We…he hasn’t told me,” Jun avoided Ninomiya’s gaze. 

“We went to the lab and got DNA test, this is the result and it isn’t something fake like the one which was sent to your apartment.” 

“Did you send the fake one to us?” Jun asked after a few minutes of silence. 

“Why would I do that?” Ninomiya sipped the beer and wiped his lips with the back of his hand. “I have moved on from Sho on the day I left him.” 

Jun’s stomach flared up as he heard what the guy said, but there was no point to hate Ninomiya. He sipped his own beer and read the DNA test result once again. 

“I’m still available to arrange your wedding,” the guy continued, flashing a soft smile at Jun. 

“I don’t even know if we should continue our relationship,” Jun shook his head, “everything will never be the same again.” 

“Well, if it changes for the better, why don’t you try?” 

Jun looked into Ninomiya’s eyes; they were deep and calm and pretty; they showed him no lies and Jun knew that the guy sincerely wanted him to be happy with Sho. However, it was harder than what Jun had thought to begin a talk with Sho after what happened. He wasn’t ready for it, but he had to or his cakes would never shape right. 

“He’s in Vietnam now,” Jun mumbled, more to himself than Ninomiya. 

“You can go to the airport and welcome him home,” Ninomiya said. 

Jun chuckled dryly, remembering the last time he picked Sho from the airport which ended up in a fight and he being hospitalized. 

“Maybe I will,” Jun said, finishing his beer and tossed the can into the trash bin which woke Aiba up from his light nap. 

The three of them continued eating Aiba’s new cakes until it was dark outside and Ninomiya mumbled that he needed to go home. 

“I think he came to encourage you to talk with Sho san,” Aiba said as they finished cleaning the shop and their tools. 

“I don’t know, Sho loved him to the moon and back and I was so jealous that I could poison him,” Jun said while smiling. 

“You should have done that,” Aiba said, patting Jun’s shoulder, “but maybe you have to make up with Sho before you poison him.” 

Jun came back home with a lighter heart after seeing Ninomiya that afternoon. He took long enough to stare at Sho’s pilot uniform in their closet; he took it and smelled Sho’s scent which remained on it. He missed Sho too much right now, it was surprising how much he needed Sho’s warmth tonight. He held the uniform and imagined the man was hugging him, whispering Jun’s name in his ears.   
*** 

Jun was having his breakfast when his phone rang, Sho’s name appeared on the screen. He bit his lower lip before answering, he could feel his heartbeat rising as he heard Sho’s voice. 

“Hi, Sho.”

“Am I bothering you?” Sho asked in a worrisome.

“No,” Jun tried not to be heard over excited, “I…how are you?” 

“A little bit tired,” Sho answered, “how are you?”

“I fail in completing my newest recipe and Aiba said it was because of my mental problem.”

“Is that because of me?” 

“Maybe because I missed you too much,” Jun said, sending silence between them. He heard Sho inhaling a deep breath on the other line before he answered. 

“I miss you, too,” Sho said, “can we talk after I come back?” 

“Sure, I’m sorry for keeping you wait this long.” 

“I understand, it’s all my fault.” 

“May I pick you up at the airport and go somewhere after that?”

“Sure, but I want to go straight to our apartment if you don’t mind,” Sho said.

Jun smiled as he heard it; it had been forever since he and Sho spent their time together and did nothing. They would talk about random topics endlessly until Sho dozed off on his lap. 

“Sure, after we talk about everything.” 

“Jun,” Sho’s voice was trembling as he spoke, “do we have any chance to…?”

“We can talk later after you come back,” Jun cut him, “you have a flight to catch, be careful on your way home.”  
“Thank you,” Sho said, he needed a good two minutes to hung up, “I love you, Jun.” 

Sho’s last words echoed inside Jun’s ears like a magic mantra; he kept on clutching his phone for the rest of the morning. He glanced at the clock on the wall, Sho would be landing at Narita Airport nine hours later, it felt like having their first date after a long separation. He still felt a light grip on his chest, but now it was something different, it was more because he missed Sho. 

Jun went to work that day, finished some orders and left earlier. Aiba wished him a good luck and gave him an encouraging pat on his shoulder. He drove his car towards the airport while listening to Utada Hikaru’s song and hummed the song along the way. He remembered the first time he kissed Sho, recalled the first time he held the pilot’s hand and the first time Sho agreed to look for an apartment where they could stay together. 

Sho perhaps wasn’t the sweetest guy on earth, but it didn’t stop Jun to love the man the way he was, not to mention that Sho was still in love with Ninomiya. Jun was still jealous when he imagined that Ninomiya had Sho’s heart back then and even after Sho and Jun dated. Come to think about it, Ninomiya also had some issues which forced him to leave Sho, he could do nothing to erase the past they had shared. 

He reached the arrival hall and bought a cup of coffee while checking the arrival announcement board. Sho would be landing in a few minutes and for some reason, he was nervous. He sat down on one of the seats at the arrival hall and sipped his coffee, his eyes wandered around towards the passengers whose face mostly showed the tiredness and heavy jetlag. 

Jun thought of Ohno all of a sudden; the actor didn’t show up in his shop since the night he confessed his feeling to him. Jun was too absorbed into his problems with Sho that he had no time to worry about Ohno. He didn’t want their friendship ruined because of it, but he didn’t know how to face Ohno if they meet again. 

‘Announcing the arrival of Japan Airlines, flight number JL750 from Ho Chi Minh City, thank you’ 

Jun’s heartbeat sped up as he heard the announcement, he clutched the coffee cup tighter in his right hand and tried to calm down. It wasn’t his first time to meet Sho, this feeling was some kind of stupid, he felt like a teenager who waited for his crush at the corner of the schoolyard. 

He took a deep breath, glancing at his watch, Sho would be exiting the arrival gate anytime soon and he still couldn’t find the right word to greet him. Was it okay to pretend that everything was alright until they were alone? What Jun wanted the most was to hold Sho tight and kissed him on his lips before talking about everything. 

Jun wasn’t ready yet when Sho finally appeared from the exit door, his left hand was dragging his luggage, his eyes automatically found Jun who stood a few meters away from him. The noise around them couldn’t be heard anymore as their eyes met; Sho was the only one exist in front of him, he looked way too handsome in his pilot uniform.

Sho approached him, forming a soft smile on his lips, but Jun couldn’t move an inch, a thousand-mixture emotion splashed in his head. For mere seconds, he wanted to run away from Sho, far away that they wouldn’t meet again.   
“I’m home,” Sho said, pulling him into a hug, ignoring that they were in the middle of the crowd. “I missed you,” he whispered in Jun’s ear and it was enough to erase his anxiety which clutched into him for weeks. 

“Sho,” he whispered back, not knowing what to say. 

Sho pulled further and looked into his eyes, “Let’s go home.” 

They walked together towards the parking area, hand in hand. Jun could tell from Sho’s gesture that he missed Jun sincerely, but he wasn’t ready for this lovey-dovey Sho and it made him a little bit awkward. 

They didn’t talk much on the way home until they were comfortable enough on their sofa with two cups of hot tea before them. Sho looked tired and sleepy, but he denied to take some sleep, not until they talked.   
Jun didn’t know where to start, so he talked randomly about the new cakes recipes that he failed to make and about Aiba who seemed to have a new crush. 

“Ninomiya san visited me a few days ago,” Jun said, waiting for Sho’s reaction, “he brought me the DNA result.” 

“We went to the laboratory,” Sho answered. “He told me that he would be getting married anytime soon.” 

“Really?” 

Sho nodded, sipping the hot tea after blowing it for a couple of times. The silence fell between them, each of them was trying to find the right word to say. 

“Jun, I’m sorry about everything,” Sho said. “I don’t know if an apology would be enough for what I’ve done, but I don’t want to lose you, I’ll be scattering around if you leave me. I know that I’m a jerk for not realizing how much you mean to me, but now I know that I can’t live without you.”

Sho extended his hand to Jun’s, squishing his fingers softly and leaning closer to give Jun a kiss on his lips.   
“We need some times,” Jun said as Sho pulled away. 

“What do you mean?” 

“I feel like we don’t know each other very well, regardless that we are live together for a long time, I want to know you better,” Jun caressed Sho’s cheek as he spoke; he had been thinking about it for days and he knew that they couldn’t be happy if they stayed where they were. 

Sho nodded, leaning his forehead against Jun. 

“I’m so scared that you will leave me.” 

Jun shook his head, “I would never do that.” 

“Thank you,” Sho whispered and hugged him. The warmth of his body was something that Jun missed the most.   
Sho’s hand slipped under his shirt and caressed his bare skin; it had been so long since they made love and perhaps that was what they needed right now to loosen the tense between them. They kissed and searched for each other’s warmth, their breaths united as one, and their longing was poured into it.

***   
“This tie will do,” Jun said as he helped Sho to pick the tie for the wedding party they would be attending together. 

“The pattern isn’t that stylish,” Sho pouted his lips. 

“Nobody will pay attention on your tie anyway,” Jun sighed, taking another tie and handing it to Sho. 

“I’ll be reading a speech, of course, they will pay attention to me and my tie.” 

Jun rolled his eyes and left Sho to the living room. They would attend the wedding party of one of Sho’s colleagues; the guy wanted Sho to read the speech as the representative of their office and Jun had no idea why it made Sho too obsessed with his tie pattern. 

Ninomiya was in charge for the wedding, the guy told Jun when he visited his shop a few days ago, together with a man who Jun presumed as his boyfriend. 

Talking about the wedding; Jun and Sho hadn’t talked about it anymore. They decided to take things slowly and Jun was glad that Sho showed him more love and attention. It was about waiting for the right time to get married and there was no need to rush. 

Sho finally chose a navy-blue tie and announced that he was ready a few minutes later. They drove towards the wedding venue by Jun’s car. Sho re-read the speech text that he would be reading and chanted it like a mantra. Jun teased him that he looked like an awful weather forecast announcer which gained a sour laughter from the pilot.   
They reached the last junction to the wedding venue, Jun stopped the car as the traffic light turned red. 

“Sho, isn’t that man Ohno san?” he pointed at the man who was about to cross the street, a girl was beside him, they walked hand in hand. 

“I don’t know that he is a straight man,” Jun mumbled, remembering Ohno’s confession. 

“He’s an actor anyway,” Sho answered. “Maybe he can switch his emotion anytime he likes.” 

“Do you think that he’s the one who slipped the envelope under our door?” Jun asked. He had been guessing that Ohno probably the one who did that, even though he hoped that his guess was wrong. 

“I don’t know,” Sho shrugged, “even if he did it, I would thank him that I could be honest with my feeling afterward.”   
Jun nodded. He followed Ohno with his gaze, the girl clutched tightly on his arm and somehow, Jun was happy for the man. He fed his car some gas as the traffic light turned green, Sho returned his attention at his speech until they entered the venue. 

Sho held his hand as they entered the hotel hall where the wedding was taking place. He introduced Jun to his colleagues and proudly said that he was one of the best pettisier in town. They met Nino as well; they greeted him shortly since he needed to return to his work. 

“Sho, I think I still want to entrust our wedding in his hands,” Jun mumbled to Sho as they took a seat. 

“I’ll leave it to you, but of course I’ll go together with you this time,” Sho said, smiling at him. 

The atmosphere reminded Jun of the first time he met Sho at the wedding party. Maybe they were fated to be together, Jun thought. He stole a glance at Sho’s face; he knew there would be many days where they would fight or argue over small things, but he also knew that they couldn’t live without each other. 

The orchestra started playing and all of them paid attention at the groom and bride. Sho found Jun’s hand and squished it softly as if telling him that he was looking forward to their upcoming wedding. 

 

The end 

a.n: Thank you for the comments and like ^_^


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